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25 January 2005 @ 01:39 am
Dear Sweet Christ on Melba Toast.  
I don't even know what Melba toast is, but I have a feeling it's not unlike the tiny cracker things given to infants as they teeth. You know, the ones that look like biscotti and are brown. Yeah, those ones.

The point is this: my work is a many headed hydra. This is redundant, so I shall say it again, but better. My work is a hydra. It devours me with teeth that drip venom, and also it has red beady eyes on all of it's heads. Even the ones that grow back after I cut them off.

My work is Legion. It has the Mark in the middle of its forehead. It can quote scripture to suit its purposes. Get thee behind me, work.

My work is as the wyrm that devours. It is the many mouthed beast on the frozen lake, chewing happily on Brutus, Judas and ...that other guy who's name I know but cannot currently remember. Why can I not remember it, you may ask?

And I will answer: I cannot answer it because Nifra is away from her brain right now, but if you'd like to leave a message, please speak after the tone. Thanks, bye!

Oh my god. I'm two weeks into the semester and my brain is already telling me that it's time to pack up shop, buy a cheap pair of plastic sunglasses that look like something an eighty year old woman would wear, rent a convertable and drive far into the desert. Possibly have a torrid affair with a young Brad Pitt and sexual tension with Susan Sarandon while I'm at it, and then drive off a cliff.

Another thing of import: where the fuck does corn from? I thought it was an American only kind of thing -- you know, maize, Pocahontas the whole nine yards -- and yet the more I read of medieval British history the more I hear about a "luxury of corn". Is it metaphorical corn? Corn, as in a symbol of all grains? Corn, as in a poor translation of an old English word for "grass"? Corn, which secretely means "A nation of Ioans dancing naked, and waiting for you by the light of the moon many hundreds of years too early for you to appropriately appreciate them, Nifra. Put that in your chai tea and drink it."

Also. I love happyminion, and I miss you Wendi and I wish you all manner of good things involving naked men and chocolate sauce (perhaps seperately, perhaps together, whichever you prefer) as you are a wonderful and gracious lady, and I wish you a happy belated birthday, and Ms. Shrift, you know I adore you and wish you the same because OMG you're just incredibly sassy and smart and do so many cool THINGS and write such SCORCHINGLY good fic, and oh my GOD this corn thing is going to bother me until I figure it out.

Now, however, I shall away into my bed so that a mind which as been most sorely and greivously abused by the nigh unto lobotomizing forces of homework may rest, and rally forces for tommorow's assault upon the gates of learning. Hear ye, hear ye.
 
 
Current Mood: uncomfortableuncomfortable
Current Music: Rain King-Counting Crows
 
 
 
junojuno on January 25th, 2005 06:45 am (UTC)
As a lifelong dieter, I can tell you that I only wish that melba toast tasted as good as a biccy. Melba toast tastes like a crunchy MDF rectangle. If that sounds good, I'm not describing it well.
teaphile on January 25th, 2005 06:47 am (UTC)
Maize comes from the Americas. Corn in the context you're seeing it means all grains, especially barley and rye, according to What Jane Austen Ate and Charles Dickens Knew.

Melba toast is flat, dry brown stuff like a cracker.

Sleep well.
Sage: clary sagesageness on January 25th, 2005 07:21 am (UTC)
*points up* What they said. You can make bread out of pretty much *any* grain, so "corn" was the catch-all word for any edible grains. For some reason (early American traders, probably), "corn" got exclusively tacked onto maize.

See, you *do* know what Melba toast is. I just have no idea what makes it "melba". What takes place in the Melba-ization process? Aren't you curious? I am. *g*

*wishes you ten more hours in each day*

*wishes you bare feet on early-summer sand with the sound of the sea and perfect sunshine*

*stabs hydras for you*
Damned Colonial: oldprint - reading historydamned_colonial on January 25th, 2005 02:57 pm (UTC)
Corn, in European languages (including, like, "korn" in some of the germanic languages, and stuff like that) typically means "that grain which is the staple of our diet". So in England that's usually wheat, in Germany it's often rye, and so on. See, for example, the Corn Laws in 19th century England, which had nothing whatsoever to do with maize.

So anyway, if you take a bunch of Europeans and put them in America, and they start using maize as a staple in their diet, they'll call it corn. QED.