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12 May 2005 @ 11:50 am
Go now, you are forgiven.  
1.

Inside the post office, there is a package. This package is, you are entirely aware, for you. You know that it has to be there. The oracle has spoken. The orcale does not lie. The oracle is Amazon.com and it tracks shipping. The oracle has a paper trail leading to the package, which is for you and inside the post office.

The post office has not deemed you worthy of your package. Instead, the post office has (upon your repeated inquiries as to the whereabots of your package) responded by telling you 1) "Amazon gets stuff wrong a lot", 2) "Yeah, it could be here. I don't know, there's a lot a shit we haven't processed." 3) "What the hell could be so important anyway?" and 4) "I'm really fucking busy here, okay?"

You, however, are intrepid. You are bold. You are persistent. You are determined that the post office's aggression towards you will not stand.

You are also alone in the post office. There is no one else there, not in the entire cave like edifice. You try the door to where they keep the packages, but it's locked. You begin to turn around, dispirited, and leave the post office, but then you remember that you are intrepid.

You eye the (waist high for many people, but for you somewhat higher than that) counter top beyond which you can see the shelves filled with packages, one of which you know to be yours. You look left, you look right, you begin to hum the Mission Impossible theme song as you back up enough to make a running leap and hoist yourself up onto the counter top.

When that doesn't work the first time, you do it again, humming more vehemently this time and dropping the purse that's clearly the only reason you became unbalanced and knocked over an entire display of memorial stamps.

On the floor, a strip of singing Elvises (Elvii?) wink encouragingly and up you go! And then down you go, as you fall off on the other side, but you do not go quietly. No, you take a desk chair down with you, squeaking as you go.

This merits a ten second motionless silent pause on the floor of the post office, staring wide eyed at the door through which you've convinced yourself someone is about to burst.

Intrepid, you remind yourself, intrepid.

You are so intrepid that you crawl across the floor, skittering from sorting bin to sorting bin for cover mind furiously coming up with explanations/excuses/back up plans should you be discovered, and lo! There it is!

The shelf! And upon the shelf -- a package, with your name emblazoned upon it in large black letters!

"Yes," you crow, exultant, waving your arms in the air, and dancing as you recover, finally, your prodigal package. You shake it against your ear, hoping to be able to discern the contents from the sound, but alas, this hasn't worked once in your entire life, and doesn't work now.

Scissors gleam temptingly on the desk, as if to say, "Yes, yes, use us, open your package, do it now!!" but you, wisely, pass them by.

For, lo! In the distance, what can be heard but the clomping of booted feet! Headed toward you!

Across the barrier your scramble, standing on the desk chair and several important looking documents, and catching your shirt on the countertop. A thread hangs behind you as you crawl down, and you wrestle with it in increasing anxiety as the shoes get closer ....closer....closer....until finally the thread snaps, and you grab your purse.

The door clicks open, and you shove your package into your purse viciously, red faced, and wide eyed.

"Hey, can I help you?" asks the post office employee.

Elvis winks conspiratorially at you from the ground below you as you search for something to say.

"You all right?" the employee asks, concerned at the wordless noises you're making.

You blink at him, and say, finally, "I'm fine. I have -- you know. Too much sun. Had to come inside. Gets hot. My head," and make a gesture that could widely be interpreted as "I am, in fact, insane". And then you turn around, and walk away as FAST AS YOU CAN.

2.

You are in a horrible mood. Horrible, no good, very bad. You are, in fact, in a funk of epic proportions. Everything angers you. The small children picking flowers picturesquely by your window sicken you. You want to throw your fake plants at their heads. Next door, your favorite song is playing.

You decide that you, actually, hate that song and music in general. There is no good use for it. Except for Radiohead, which only serves to push you further into your funk. You put on clothes you've had since you were fifteen, put your hair up in a pony tail, and sulk experimentally at the mirror, simulating your own teenage angst.

Yeah, you decide. You've still got it.

You stalk into the kitchen, and open the refrigerator door, stare at everything inside and deem it all unworthy. You slam the door, and this makes a satisfying noise. So you pick up a can of bread crumbs and bang it against the counter, and open and close every cabinet loudly. You cross your arms and stare at everything in disgust, and then kick the throw rug in the kitchen.

This doesn't make a satisfying noise, and instead tangles around your foot. There's something slimy on it, and it's touching your skin. You start waving your arms over your head and making high pitched noises as you kick your foot around, trying to get the rug off it.

The rug is caught in your sandles, and staying for the duration.

"OMIGOD OMIGOD OMIGOD," you shriek, "EW EW EW WHAT IS ON MY FOOT OMIGOD".

You kick your shoe off, and it flies across the room. The rug decides this is far more of a commitment to your shoe than it is willing to make, and flops dejectedly back to the floor. The shoe, on the other hand, ricochets off the wall, out the window.

You frantically clean the rug-yogurt (and that's the only thing you're going to admit it could be because anything else is frankly too upsetting) off your foot, making a silent promise to yourself to disenfect your life later, and rush outside.

However, once outside, you realize that you are no longer Sullen. You still want to feel Sullen, so you slow yourself down so much that the person behind you walks bodily into you, and falls down. You remain upright, and offer a hand, being sure to silently resent it because you are Sullen.

"Hey, thanks," the person says, standing up and dusting himself.

You shrug, and look away. "Yeah, whatever," you mutter doing your best Sullen.

"Wait -- wait, is that really you?" the man says, and when you look up, you feel a little part of yourself curl up and start rocking back and forth because standing in front of you is the person you were in love with for over a year.

"How are you?" he asks, and the ground, unfortunately, doesn't open up and swallow you. Then he looks down and says, "And why are you only wearing one shoe?"

There is no good answer to that question. You know it. He knows it. Everyone knows it. And still, still, you try. Except, when you try, instead of saying something coherent and understandable to any other member of the human race, you say all in one breath, "Well -- I was being fifteen and then the rug spat yogurt on me, and I kicked out the window and then you were there."

He blinks, nods slowly and says, "So you're still doing the same, huh?"
 
 
Current Mood: stressedstressed
Current Music: Let Go-Frou Frou
 
 
 
the opposite of batmanpearl_o on May 20th, 2005 04:37 am (UTC)
There is no good answer to that question. You know it. He knows it. Everyone knows it.

Oh, darling. I love you so very very much. I am not giggling at *all* about your wacky hijinks.
pure FORESHADOWING: absolut!nifra_idril on May 20th, 2005 05:44 pm (UTC)
Even I get that my pain is infinitely mockable, so worry not, young Jedi.
thecaelum on May 20th, 2005 04:49 am (UTC)
*dead*
pure FORESHADOWING: ak/hh unsinkable - crazyperfumenifra_idril on May 20th, 2005 05:44 pm (UTC)
I -- your icon -- it's mesmorizing. *stares, giggling*
(no subject) - thecaelum on May 20th, 2005 07:08 pm (UTC) (Expand)
HeroHunter.  I, Storyteller.herohunter on May 20th, 2005 05:05 am (UTC)
Oh, honey! What a day, huh?

*hugs you*

(although your narrative made me giggle like a fool, cause it's SO me!!!)
pure FORESHADOWING: Clarknifra_idril on May 20th, 2005 05:46 pm (UTC)
*laughs* I'm really glad to hear that it's not just me, then. Because often I fear that it is and then I wonder if I'm actually living a real life or I've just become stuck in some recursive loop of a very strange sitcom.

This things keep me up at night, you know.
(no subject) - herohunter on May 20th, 2005 08:47 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Carson: brokenrecord__-loagn save mecarson_leigh on May 20th, 2005 06:58 am (UTC)
You are unbearably funny.
pure FORESHADOWING: charisma!nifra_idril on May 20th, 2005 05:46 pm (UTC)
*grins* Thanks, hon.
Sabbysamcoffeeaddict on May 20th, 2005 07:00 am (UTC)
I know I shouldn't laugh at other people's misery.... but damnit I can't stop!

If it's any consolation, reading your story made me decide to not regress to my fifteen year old self today, even though I had planned it because frankly, this is a sucky friday. ...I don't look that good in flannel anyway.

Thank you, sincerely

Sab
pure FORESHADOWING: Chloe!nifra_idril on May 20th, 2005 05:47 pm (UTC)
You know, being fifteen is never ever the right choice. Even when you are, in fact, fifteen. I think this is a universal truth. *nods firmly*
(no subject) - samcoffeeaddict on May 20th, 2005 11:12 pm (UTC) (Expand)
ReginaGiraffereginagiraffe on May 20th, 2005 12:12 pm (UTC)
*hugs Nifra*

You make me laugh and laugh and laugh.

Did you really steal a package from the Post Office!?
*admires your balls*
(And, yes, I realize it was your package but still...!)
pure FORESHADOWING: Bad Example! - Snowflakesleepnifra_idril on May 20th, 2005 05:49 pm (UTC)
I mean, it was only the small college post office on campus. And it was my package, and they were about to close and not open again for the summer and I really wanted it. But...yes. Yes I did. Though I'd more call it....reclaiming the package.

If only to better rationalize my actions to myself. *giggles*
Capt'n "Kismet" Tuttle: sleeping dudeweedy_tea on May 20th, 2005 12:18 pm (UTC)
oh sweets. :) i am in awe of your intrepidness and share your sadness that the ground never opens up and swallows you whole when you want it to. and the teen angst thing makes me so happy.

many hugs for your grumpiness. :)
pure FORESHADOWING: Jayne!nifra_idril on May 20th, 2005 05:49 pm (UTC)
What's with the ground not swallowing us up when we need it to? Get on that, ground. I mean, for real.

*hugs back*
What the hell is up with the mummy?!serialkarma on May 20th, 2005 01:19 pm (UTC)
Re: #1

Are you serious?
pure FORESHADOWING: CRAZY EYES!nifra_idril on May 20th, 2005 05:50 pm (UTC)
Yeah. A bit. Very.

It's only the one on campus! It's not like -- a real post office. Right? I mean, that's fine, isn't it? Yes? *winces*
where no one goes: dieternuptse on May 20th, 2005 01:53 pm (UTC)
You get down with your intrepid, Sullen self!

pure FORESHADOWING: Bad Example! - Snowflakesleepnifra_idril on May 20th, 2005 05:51 pm (UTC)
Don't mind if I do! *grins* Also? Your icon=YES.
John Stamos Took It Too Far: strange and beautifulbrooklinegirl on May 20th, 2005 03:03 pm (UTC)
I just - oh, honey. I love you SO MUCH. I just said to Estrella: were anyone else to write about this, I would think they were exaggerating. But no, this is just NIFRA'S ACTUAL LIFE.

I have so much love for you. *tries to stop giggling*
pure FORESHADOWING: big pimpin'nifra_idril on May 20th, 2005 05:52 pm (UTC)
I -- do other people live lives like mine? Don't they? I can't be the only one. I really, really can't be the only one who does these things....or can I?
Resonant: Cupcakeresonant8 on May 20th, 2005 04:31 pm (UTC)
Bwah! Rug yogurt!

Somebody needs to give you your own monthly magazine. To write, I mean; I'm sure you've already got magazines to read.
pure FORESHADOWING: charisma!nifra_idril on May 23rd, 2005 05:29 pm (UTC)
*giggles* What would we call it? "Falling Down Weekly" or "Oh, God, THIS REALLY HAPPENED"
phoiniksphoiniks on May 20th, 2005 05:34 pm (UTC)
*laughs*

*hug Nifra*

pure FORESHADOWING: broken supermannifra_idril on May 23rd, 2005 05:30 pm (UTC)
*hugs back*
Copernica: pirate!/canadianclearlycopernica3 on May 20th, 2005 07:30 pm (UTC)
*laughs and laughs and laughs*
pure FORESHADOWING: Deathnifra_idril on May 23rd, 2005 05:32 pm (UTC)
*sighs and hangs head*
4rightchords_ on May 21st, 2005 03:28 am (UTC)
brilliantly hilariously fantastic. I am sorry that this is, in fact, your life.
pure FORESHADOWING: Bad Example! - Snowflakesleepnifra_idril on May 23rd, 2005 05:35 pm (UTC)
*laughs* Yeah, me too.