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15 November 2005 @ 02:35 pm
For hackthis  
The Cornish game hen sat sullenly on the metal island in front of Jack, as though it knew that it would be the downfall of his entire career.

“That bird,” Steven pronounced, “is frigid. Couples counseling’d do you both a world of good.”

Jack shushed him impatiently, and stared at the naked poultry in front of him.

“Face it, Jack,” Seth said, “you’re just going to have to put rosemary and prosciutto in it. It’s not so bad. It’s comfort food.”

“I am a creative genius,” Jack told the Cornish game hen. “I have made men weep with my turkey. I am an architect of flavors, a sultan of sweets, and you, you will not be comfort food.”

Steven leaned over his shoulder, and poked the meat with one finger. “Bet I could trade all of these with the sous chef at Bernardine for several dozen racks of lamb.”

It was an appealing idea, but as the morning had worn on with Jack trying one dish after another with the stubborn little birds, creating something new and different had become a personal challenge instead of a professional necessity.

“Okay, how about – thyme and onions?” Jimmy piped up from the back of the kitchen. “My ma used to make the best –“

As one, Seth, Jack and Steven turned to glare at him. He held up both hands and backed out quietly. “Right. I’m the bitch. I get it.”

“I will not be undone by you,” Jack said, turning back to the horrible little drumsticks, the tiny wings. “I am a master chef. You are nothing to me.”

The bird remained inert, just as it had when Jack had tried stuffing it with gorgonzola, and glazing it with ginger, and covering it in rock salt, and – the list was far too long, and Jack’s head was staring to hurt.

“You could always douse it with brandy and set it on fire,” Steven suggested, sloshing a bottle over his head. “Be therapeutic, yeah? Burn the bugger black, then throw a few cranberries on it, call it Cornish game hen en flambé and be done with it.”

Jack blinked once, and then blinked again, and before he knew it his hand was deep in Steven’s pocket grabbing for the lighter while the other was drowning the game hen in brandy and he was barking out orders, and people were scurrying around the kitchen.

“Hey, hands!” Steven yelped, and Jack whipped his head around until they were nose to nose.

“Steven, right now you are so sexy that you’re lucky I’m not raping you over the pastries,” he said, and really, the only thing better than watching the game hens burn merrily was Steven’s blush.


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Current Mood: happyhappy
 
 
 
What the hell is up with the mummy?!: kitchen confidential yay!serialkarma on November 15th, 2005 07:42 pm (UTC)
“Steven, right now you are so sexy that you’re lucky I’m not raping you over the pastries,” he said, and really, the only thing better than watching the game hens burn merrily was Steven’s blush.

Oh, YAY.
Tiny Timmy Tokyo: kc: sleep is giving inslodwick on November 15th, 2005 07:48 pm (UTC)
“That bird,” Steven pronounced, “is frigid. Couples counseling’d do you both a world of good.”

*snorfle*
Copernica: smart!/athene_632copernica3 on November 15th, 2005 08:10 pm (UTC)
Bwahahaha. Wonderful.
.: jack & steven (slodwick)hackthis on November 15th, 2005 08:29 pm (UTC)
The Cornish game hen sat sullenly on the metal island in front of Jack, as though it knew that it would be the downfall of his entire career.

“That bird,” Steven pronounced, “is frigid. Couples counseling’d do you both a world of good.”


Wow. I mean there's love and then there's love. You love me! You really love me! *dances Nifra around the room again and again and again*


As one, Seth, Jack and Steven turned to glare at him. He held up both hands and backed out quietly. “Right. I’m the bitch. I get it.”

*sobs happily with glee* How can they take away my most beloved show? All shall perish for this ignominy! But after I make you queen for this brilliant thing. :D

“Steven, right now you are so sexy that you’re lucky I’m not raping you over the pastries,” he said, and really, the only thing better than watching the game hens burn merrily was Steven’s blush.

Please to be marrying me right now. I am so happy right now, that it cannot be textually rendered.
the color is rainbow: lulu by amano.fivil on November 15th, 2005 09:14 pm (UTC)
This is many great things. And makes me sad that we don't get more of the show so the fandom probably won't expand enormously. :/

And aww, bless Jimmy.
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Gunbunny: themburntcopper on November 15th, 2005 11:36 pm (UTC)
I'm going with everyone else. Raping Steven over the pastries is the way to go.
good enough, just not transcendental: godspeed all the bakers at dawnwalkingshadow on November 16th, 2005 10:10 am (UTC)
“Hey, hands!” Steven yelped, and Jack whipped his head around until they were nose to nose.

“Steven, right now you are so sexy that you’re lucky I’m not raping you over the pastries,” he said, and really, the only thing better than watching the game hens burn merrily was Steven’s blush.


heh, this is so funny and quirky and PERFECT. even the length feels just right! everyone gets their proper allotment of screentime, and they're just themselves in it.
off jumps jack: fangirlsprairiedaun on November 16th, 2005 06:44 pm (UTC)
Oh yaye, this was wonderful. Thank you.
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Myriad: KC OTP fish - eviltedmyriad69 on November 16th, 2005 09:32 pm (UTC)
Fantastic! If those bastards don't get the beauty that is this show, at least we still have fic, glorious fic.
Rinaveryshortlist on November 16th, 2005 11:15 pm (UTC)
I have to start watching this show because this? Made me laugh like a loon.
luluminion on November 17th, 2005 08:10 pm (UTC)
*adores*

*kicks FOX*

*adores*
veradeath on November 18th, 2005 04:00 am (UTC)
Words can not describe the love I have for this piece. Or you at this moment,for that matter. It was all so perfect, and Jimmy being glared at and all the things Jack tried and having his hand down Steven's pants. Those bastards at Fox have screwed up royally. Please, someone, flay Fox's collective genitalia? Pretty please, with gay snarky hot chefs on top?
seven minute dance party: atlantisvoleuse on September 13th, 2006 08:18 pm (UTC)
Heeeeeeeeee. Awesome.