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12 January 2006 @ 02:01 pm
Horn of Plenty!  
I am having a friend over for dinner tonight, and because I have nothing but time on my hands until next week, I am getting crazy about it. I've been considering and reconsidering the menu a million times, as though I had something to prove/was feeding someone who would judge me based on presentation, difficulty of dish and subtlety of flavor. But because I've been thinking about cooking all day I thought maybe I'd put a few recipes for non traditional salads up here. Because I love salads maybe more than I love other things -- or that's just my vegetable straved body craving the greens. Either way, man.


Old Bread Salad

If you have a loaf of either French bread or Italian bread or any kind of artisanal, bakery bread, and it's a day or two into stale, you can use it in this. It's important that the bread be stale so that it's hard enough to absorb the juices of the salad without flaking apart on you.

So, take about half a loaf of this stale bread, slice it into cubes. Then take two tomatoes and slice those into whatever shape pleases you. Vine ripened tomatoes are best, because I'm a tomato snob, but beefsteak tomatoes will work, too.

Now, it's up to you what kind of crunchy green to use. You can use asparagus (done el dente) or green beans. I like fresh, non cooked green beans in this, because they really make a difference in terms of texture, and they're so fresh tasting.

You need a sharp cheddar cheese sliced into kind of bigger pieces, also, so do that and add that in. Salt and pepper all this to taste, and then toss on a lot of balsamic vingarette, and serve.


Apple Walnut Salad

Chop six green apples very thinly. Add in half a bag of chopped walnuts and a crumbled hunk of gorgonzola. Top with two thirds of a bottle of raspberry vinagrette. Serve.

Mango Pear Salad

This is maybe the most traditional salad offering I've got for you. You need fresh pears and fresh mangos for this. Slice both really thinly and put them on a bed of arugala. Crumble goat cheese over, and top with raspberry vinagrette.

So. Top Fives!! I'm doing one from each requester at a time, so that I have more to do later!

Top Five Imaginary Cross Overs

5. Battlestar Galactica/Firefly - River is an attempt at a proto-Cylon! How cool would that be!

4. Battlestar Galactica/Citizen Kane (Cain?) - Cain gets shot, and as she bleeds out on the deck of the Pegasus she whispers, "Rosebud..." Lee tries to figure out who/what Rosebud was to her....and it turns out that Rosebud was her name as a viper pilot. The only thing Cain ever loved was herself!!!

3. Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel the Series/The Real World - fox1013 and I have been toying with this idea for a while in chat, just for fun. But imagine if Wesley, Lindsey and Lilah had been vamped, Spike didn't have a soul, Angel didn't have a soul and they all lived together in a real world house.

nifra_idril Dru's confessions: [toying with the long blond hair of the
girl bleeding from the neck in her lap] "There was a pretty black bird
flying behind your eyes, my pet, and now it's nesting in my belly. You
tasted like cockles and muscles, alive, alive oh." [turns to face
camera, and holds out neck] "Would you like a little Molly Malone, my
dear?"

fox1013Spike: "To tell the truth, I have no idea what Dru's takling about.
Like, ever. I don't really let that bother me, though. It's more
entertaining to see what she says. Lindsey and I place bets on whether
she'll talk about plants or animals first. Winner gets-" [loudly bleeped out] "and loser gets-"[bleeping for like five minutes]

nifra_idril [Spike leans in confidentially and ashes on the floor] "And
mate, I'll tell you, that's not something you'd like. Feels like your
bloody spinal column's being ripped out through your arse."

nifra_idrilLindsey: [shrugging] "We all need to loosen up, and Spike throws
a good party. Things were going nicely up until the biker demons showed
up." [he looks at a motorcycle tread on the wall by his head] "Those
boys are fun, sure, but can't quite tell 'em to keep it down, you know?"

nifra_idril [cut to real time shot of Dru hissing through the over pass in
the kitchen while Spike stands on a table doing a count down like an old
fifties drag racing movie, and motorcycles rev. Darla glares down from
the top step of the stairs, and Wes polishes his glasses, pretending not
to be interested while Lilah downs another shot.]

fox1013 *cackles*

nifra_idril [Spike lounges sullenly in the confessional chair with a black
eye and a split lip, glaring off camera.] "Just a bit of fun, yeah?
Trying to get things off to a roaring good start, make people open up a
bit, liven up this bloody casket, and what do I get? That bint and her
poof practically held me out the window at sunup, all over a little
noise. Wankers."

fox1013 [Darla in a sleep mask and nightgown] "You know, I signed up
to go on this show becaues I thought it would be a nice break. I had
nothing against Spike a hundred years ago, but we're not kids anymore.
And as adults, he will respect me, or he will be ashes. It's bad enough
listening to the kids fighting all the time."

fox1013 [cut to a clip of Lilah waving a knife and threatening to
castrate Lindsey]

nifra_idrilLindsey: "You want to do this?"
nifra_idril Lilah: "Yeah, maybe I do."
nifra_idril Lindsey: "I wouldn't try it, if I were you ---"
nifra_idril Lilah: "Or what, you'll spank me with your evil hand again?
Please, Napolean."

fox1013 *snorts*

nifra_idril [Dru skips into the kitchen and rubs a hand along Lilah's
collarbone] "You musn't fight with your brother, he's so small. Twins
need each other, like starlight and peanut butter." [takes Lilah's knife
out of her hand and hums to herself as she throws it at the wall and
walks out. Lilah and Lindsey stare at each other, and Lindsey opens his
mouth to speak. Lilah holds up her hand.]
nifra_idril Lilah: If you say one word about my sire, I will skin you and
wear you as a coat.

Do you not see that it is brilliant!?!?

2. Smallville/Dark Angel - I just want to see Lana and Max go head to head in a 'I am the specialest person to have ever lived, my pain is unknowable to anyone, so I will speak of it constantly and whine like a thirteen year old girl' contest.

1. Mean Girls/Buffy the Vampire Slayer - Regina and Cordy. That's all I have to say. It. Would. *Rule*.


Top Five Ways Nifra Will Injur Herself, For The One With Whom I Have Decided To Rift On The Basis of This Request, also Known as Lyra

5. Stubbing her toe as she plots Lyra's humliation and downfall - My people are grudge holding people. I will wait until your children are of a cute age, and then I will exact my cunning and cruel revenge.

4. Banging her head against a wall of frustration because she cannot write any more - Where have all the words gone? Damn you, Thoth. Damn you.

3. Tripping over herself in her eagerness to watch tomorrow night's Battlestar Galactica - OMG HOW MANY MORE HOURS!?!?

2. Busting a hella bad ass move - My kung fu is the best.

1. And, in the interest of honesty, drunken clutziness - Yes. Yes, Virginia, I do have two left feet.


Top Five Weirdest Knitted Things I've Ever Seen

5. Remote Control Cozy With Pink Ruffles - This belonged to my great grandfather. It was really strange for a lot of reasons, not the least of which that Nan was not the knitting type. Actually, she was more the, "Go sit in your car outside and listen to your radio because I want to be alone" type. And - why does one need a cozy for a remote control? Particularly in Florida. There's no nead for it to be *cozy*. It's not like it's cold outside or anything. It's all very confusing.

4. Bikini - The wool's gonna get wet, and it's going to smell bad, and it's going to be itchy. This is not hot. This is not even a little bit hot. People who buy such things are terminally confused.

3. Angry Drinking Quotes in Frames - This may actually be embroidery, but I'm going to go with it, because a friend of a friend had like fifty of them all over his room, and it was really off putting. You'd look up and see something that looked, at first glance, like a homey-grandmother made bit of heartland wisdom, when really it said something like, "Tequila will Kill Ya" or "Stand Between Me and My Vodka, and I will Hurt You."

2. Nose Warmer - While it's a brilliant idea, it really looked a little bit like a knitted clown-nose held on by strings. This does not mean that someday I might not get my friend to make me one. I'm just saying, it's really freaking weird.

1. Lobster Sweater - It's a sweater intended for a lobster. It was supposed to be a funny joke at the restaurant I saw it, but the very idea confuses me. Is the lobster cold? Does the lobster have a cold? Do you somehow care about the comfort and well being of the sea-arachnid you plan to boil alive and eat with lemon and butter? Do you not see how that's kind of distressing?
 
 
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Adoable Frunk: good of the podlyra_sena on January 12th, 2006 07:28 pm (UTC)
Top Five Ways Nifra Will Injur Herself, For The One With Whom I Have Decided To Rift On The Basis of This Request, also Known as Lyra

oh you LOVE it.

ps, y'all need to write more of that vamp crossover, cause it's hilarious.
millysdaughtermillysdaughter on January 12th, 2006 08:18 pm (UTC)
Yes!!!
Yes,yes yessssssss

Between the Buffy and the knitting, it had me laughing out loud. This is wonderful stuff!
astcetc snafuwonderlandkat on January 13th, 2006 12:51 am (UTC)
Buffy real world? lobster sweater? fantastic!

(though they actually need people to knit penguins sweaters! so cute!)
Widget: bsg wtfwidget285 on January 13th, 2006 01:36 am (UTC)
OMG! The BSG/Citizen Cain xover would be fabulous! It so needs to be written!

/nods