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10 November 2003 @ 01:52 am
And the kitchen sink, too  


Flash - Frat boy, and I love him for it. He's charming, and a jack ass, which I love. I love how earnest he is, how much he tries, and his silly, stupid, human fuck ups. So, yes, I love him (just like everyone and their fourth cousin Arnie.) I think part of what makes him so refreshing and interesting as a hero is the fact that he's not obsessed with being in control. He's not a control freak, he's just a regular guy who goes around, does his thing, yadda yadda yadda. His thing just happens to be saving the world.

Green Lantern - Man, is he cool. He's got this dry wit and he puts up with so much from the Flash and pretends like it's an event, but he really secretely loves it. He's calm, and he's funny, and he's smart. And he's got pretty eyes. And wants Flash. No, wait, is in love with Flash. He *likes* it that the Flash is an attention whore, and he likes giving the Flash his attention. He likes that the Flash *wants* his attention. I think that's cute.

Diana - Dude, she's hot. No, really. A very no-nonsense lady who's trying very hard to assimilate to the culture she finds herself in. I dig on the fact that she's a bit reserved -- I think she's shy, in a way. And I find that kind of adorable. I want to know what she's like when she opens up. Also? I want to know what she's like when she loses that control of hers. *purr*

Batman - Always psychotic, always on edge. I love him, and his caged brutality, in every incarnation.

Superman - Okay, now, knowing that my current primary fandom is Smallville, it's so hard for me to refer to him as 'Superman' and not 'Clark'. Because, here's the thing...in every incarnation Superman is more of a front for Clark than anything else. He's *Clark* underneath it all. He's a great leader in JLA, and I totally see him getting to that position by becoming Mr. Conflict Management. C'mon, y'all, Clark hates conflict. So he'd set himself up as 'calm man', and slowly that would lead to people defering to him in whatever capacity. And as soon as he realized he was in a leader-y position, he'd totally own it and forge himself into Leader of the People or whatever. Granted, compared to Batman he's more of a figurehead, but mostly he's a morale booster. He's there as a leader for interpersonal conflict. And that's totally Clark. (Also - I'm in love with this character in ever incarnation I've seen him, so it's possible I read more into it. But that's what I've seen, y'all.)





A little bit of Rifty, A little bit of happy..

1. Climbing Up the Wall - Radiohead
2. Virgin State of Mind - K's Choice
3. Pictures of Me - Elliott Smith
4. The Humpty Dumpty Love Song - Travis
5. Strong Enough - Sheryl Crow
6. Shiver - Coldplay
7. Every You Every Me - Placebo
8. Closer - NIN
9. This Year's Love - David Gray
10. You Look So Fine - Garbage
11. We Haven't Turn Around - Gomez
12. Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover - Cake
13. Black Balloon - Goo Goo Dolls
14. Wicked Game - Chris Isaak





I was talking to Lyra (big surprise there, no?) the other day and we started talking about possible pairings with Clark, and I had very visceral reactions to some of them, and as I thought about it, it became clear to me that Clark is never going to be comfortable in a relationship where he isn't in the position of savior in some way or another. And I'm not even saying Clark/Lex - I'm just saying that the people Clark wants are the people he has to save. The people who don't just want and love him, the people who actually NEED him. Lois has that bit of darkness to her - the ruthlessness, and Clark helps with that. Lex, obviously, and then you have Batman. That's what is attractive to Clark - a fixer upper. Someone who he can make *need* him to the point that he doesn't really need to worry about them leaving him.

Because that's Clark's biggest fear - being left.Not having *proved* that he's worthy of whatever love someone has to give him. And there's no way Clark will believe that someone can love him unless he's proved it -- that would just make him uneasy. He'd feel like a free-loader, and as though he had to do everything humanly (and inhumanly and *God* that's a bad pun) possible to *tie* that person to him.

It's almost, in a really fucked up way, like he feels that unless he makes them need him, the cost of being with him will be too much to ask them to bear. He's all I PROMISE I'M A GOOD BOY DON'T LEAVE ME DON'T HATE ME I KNOW I FUCK UP SOMETIMES BUT I'M GOOD, I'LL SHOW YOU, I'LL HELP YOU, LOVE ME, DON'T LEAVE ME. It's this huge insecurity thing that he has going.

And he just puts up this front of "I know that what I'm doing is Right. I'm a Just Man. I Fight the Good Fight." and it's such crap that he's internalized from all those years of homespun homelies about boyscouts and what's right and wrong and morals and ethics. Orphan that he is, he's all "I'll show you I'm your son. I'll be as much like you as possible so no one can doubt it and you won't regret taking me and you won't want to get rid of me'. I think that's what it comes down to - as much as the Kents loved him, as much as to them, he *is* a Kent, the town of Smallville as Lana admits isn't really easy on outsiders, so Clark's always been aware that he's not actually a Kent. So it makes him doubt his place, doubt his welcome, and probably on a very deep, very buried level, because intellectually he knows that Smallville is his home and his parents love him. But it's still there, and it affects *everything* he does. His powers would help ground that in, and the strict secrecy they insist on probably makes that seem like something shameful to him, something they have to put up with because they took him in. Again - very deep rooted, and probably something he's intellectually aware isn't true, but somewhere in him, that thought seems to be crouching.

And so he puts up that facade, but he's always proving himself. He's always trying to prove that he *is* human, and he *is* a Kent, that he *is* a good reporter, that he *is* worth caring about. That's the normality thing - people who are normal are loved on their own merits. They don't have to worry about being good enough. About proving themselves, not like Clark does. In the end, all Clark wants is to be loved. He just wants someone to love him *because* he's Clark, but he doesn't see that happening so he picks needy people who he balances out, in some way. Someone who he can get totally wrapped up in. And the saddest thing about the whole situation is that in doing that - in picking people who need maybe more than they love - he doesn't ever let himself have that. But then, he couldn't ever have it anyway, what with being Superman and all.

The thing with Clark is that all of this is so far under the surface that you believe his facade, or he does, rather. He's better at pretending to be something/someone else than Lex is, because he even convinces himself sometimes. Lex is too self aware - and he's too *much*. He almost enjoys the rages and the despair. Clings to it, in a way, to prove that he does have emotions. Rebellion, I guess.

Clark doesn't want to upset anyone (unsure of his welcome), so he convinces himself that he's okay, and then goes about his day. And that's kinda heartbreaking.

I have yet to see the JLA episode with Evil!Sociopathic!Clark, and I can't wait to. I hear he's really spooky. I'm totally spoiled for the ep, and I have my own theories on why Clark would be the way he is there, but you know what I really want to see? I want to see a Clark who isn't neccesarily evil, he just doesn't care.

He doesn't care if you think he's good or bad or if you're going to leave him. He can just do whatever he wants - and he *can*. Whatever. He. Wants. And he's spent his whole life feeling badly about that potential. So he's got a lot of making up to do. And none of this would be because of some external force - redK, drugs, bizarro world -- but because he *chooses* to be.

Clark, without any hang ups whatsoever about the philosophy of "Want. Take. Have." It's not even evil - it's just mindless self-indulgence. Mindless, ruthless self indulgence. Which could often lead to casual cruelty because he's bored. Once he starts dropping the morals and the framework that have defined his existence for so long, Clark's opening up whole new worlds of behaviour. And if you're going to question one thing, why not question everything? Clark Kent? Do something like this half assed? Not bloody likely.

A Clark that doesn't give a shit about control, because nothing and no one can control him. He's just trying to have a life. Not a normal one - because he probably resents that by now - but the best possible life available to him.

....because doesn't he deserve it, after all this work? After all these years, spent fighting? Spent cleaning up the dirtiest messes earth has to throw at him?

Food for thought. *Grins* All I know is that that kind of Clark would be utterly hot. I don't know how it would happen, but just...yeah. I think that would be a great thing to see somewhere.



And, Rec-A-Palooza:

1. HP: Vector by Rageprufrock Sirius/Remus, preslash.

Okay. I could, and probably have sometime in the past, just write a blanket rec for any and all stories by Pru ever in any fandom under the sun forever and ever, amen. However, I shall restrain myself and limit myself to this story. It's a Sirius-centric story that plays fast and loose with time, written with Pru's perrenial ability to be totally honest about her character's flaws, and make them completely loveable anyway. That's what makes her writing so special - her characters are real. They're three dimensional, because she doesn't just show us how cute and bubbly and grand and heroic they are, she shows us that they bitch at people when they're in a bad mood and get irrationally jealous. Also, she can write like a mofo. So, go read it and love it, and give her feedback now, dammit.

2. SV: Parhelion by Jack Buggery Clark/Louis, and Clark/Lexishness.

Louis is my new bulletproof kink. I don't neccesarily mean in a sexual way, I just mean that you could write fic about Louis scratching his left foot and I would be totally fascinated. He's probably one of the most interesting twists in plot or character that SV has ever done and I love him. So, Jack totally fed that kink for me with this fic. It's brilliantly crafted from a character standpoint, and makes good use of psychology. Plus, y'all, it's Jack. So it's got the hot factor working for it, and the writing is clean and lovely to read. Go. Love. Feedback.

**

There's more I want to say -- a lot's going on right now. But I'm tired, and I don't really want to think about anything too terribly negative at the moment. I just want to say thank you to everyone, and that I love you all. Knowing you're here does, actually, make quite the difference indeed.
 
 
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: Chris Isaak - Wicked Game
 
 
 
Cellicelli on November 10th, 2003 07:08 am (UTC)
*pounces you because she can*

*SMOOCH*
pure FORESHADOWING: Chloe!nifra_idril on November 10th, 2003 07:19 am (UTC)
*smooches back* Thanks babe. You're the best.
Isagel: chloe by rosesmoveisagel on November 10th, 2003 11:17 am (UTC)
Did I ever tell you that you're a very smart girl? Totally in agreement here about Clark and his need to be needed. Which is of course why Chloe doesn't really interest him - she is too strong in herself, too confident in her own power to fix things. While she is a sort of teenage Lois, I think that there is a desperation in Lois's hunt for the big stories that goes beyond what Chloe has. Lois continually puts herself in extreme danger for her scoops, possibly even more so once she becomes aware that Superman is always their to save her. She becomes reliant on having someone to pull her up when she's dangling from that skyscraper, hanging on by her fingernails because the villain she's exposed pushed her out the window. She rather enjoys courting death, and Clark provides her with a safety net so that she can keep on doing just that. Chloe, on the other hand, is saved by Clark a number of times, she knows that in Smallville miraculous rescues are run-of-the-mill. But she never acts as though she expects someone to rescue her. She gets herself into her own messes, she tries to rely on her own strengths to get her out. She loves Clark, but she doesn't display any blatant need for his help, and so she doesn't provide him with that opportunity to earn his place in her heart that the more vulnerable people in his life present him with on an almost daily basis.
pure FORESHADOWING: Chloe!nifra_idril on November 10th, 2003 08:36 pm (UTC)
That's exactly right - Chloe doesn't *need* Clark, she just wants him. And loves him, too, but he doesn't want her to be *in love* with him because she's self-reliant in a way Lex, Lois and Bats never will be. Even Lois *needs* Clark - as a partner, as Superman, as a friend. Chloe can, and has, done very well on her own without Clark. And, in a way, that's got to be a little threatening to him, a little scary, because Chloe could just pack up and walk away any time. Her fear of abandonment is as hardcore as his (if manifested differently), so she *won't* let herself need him. And for Clark, that's just not acceptable. Which might explain some of his jackass behaviour to her -- why not push her away and see what happens? It's a deeply unconscious action - and if Clark was aware he was doing it, he'd be totally mortified and incredibly apologetic (as he should be) -- but I think it's there.

The real question to me about Chloe/Clark is why the hell does Chloe love *him*? I mean, sure, he's awfully pretty, but he's not a very good friend to her. I'd love to know the reasoning behind that. I think I have to get to know Chloe better before I can say for certain, but I think the fact that he doesn't want her (so very obviously) is part of it. She can't get him, so he can't walk away. He's safe, that way.

Oh, abandoment issues. How you make Smallvilel fun.
-_-: intrepidechoskeleton on November 10th, 2003 03:14 pm (UTC)
It's too early for me to say anything too intelligent, but your Clark meta really solidified a lot of things I've been thinking about. Like, you just put some stuff that was meandering around my brain into words, and you did it very well. I just kept pointing to the screen, and yelling 'Exactly!' Well, not literally, 'cause I'm in the library.

Oh, and I love the Clark/Lex mix. I have about half of those songs on my hd anyway... Maybe I'll get the rest and burn myself a copy. If you don't mind, of course. *g*
pure FORESHADOWING: princess kittynifra_idril on November 10th, 2003 08:42 pm (UTC)
Go right ahead! Share the love! *G* It's a fun mix, and I'm loving it. So feel free to do whatever, darlin'.

Clark's a pretty complicated character, underneath the "Aww, shucks" facade. I'm glad my meta worked for you.
the Jack: MR long hairbuggery on November 10th, 2003 06:55 pm (UTC)
Nifra dearest, thank you for the glowing rec. It meant a lot to me.

And your Clark thoughts are by no means mere wankery! The concept that Clark's fear of abandonment lies at the heart of his behaviours, both negative and positive, is one of the most insightful pieces of SV meta I have ever read. I'm sitting here stunned at the fact that I never saw it before, because it makes so much sense. And it applies not only to SV (unlike, say, the malaria theory), but the whole of the Superman mythos.

Brilliant.
pure FORESHADOWING: In chargenifra_idril on November 10th, 2003 08:50 pm (UTC)
Nifra dearest, thank you for the glowing rec. It meant a lot to me.

Sweet thing, you deserved every word of it. It's all true. *hugs*

The concept that Clark's fear of abandonment lies at the heart of his behaviours, both negative and positive, is one of the most insightful pieces of SV meta I have ever read.

*blinks* Wow, thank you. Thank you very much.

It seemed intuitive to me, because, you know -- orphan. And in all of his bouts with RedK, he makes it very clear that he's *really* aware of that fact. And he just apes Jonathan so obviously...it's like hero-worship, except a little more hysterical than that. The Jonathan/Clark relationship is, I think, a bit more complicated (read: fucked up) than people give it credit for. Jonathan, albeit with good intentions, does a number on Clark like you wouldn't believe. It drives me nuts.