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30 December 2003 @ 02:28 am
Sports Night...thing.  
I don't know what to call this. But, it just kind of...is. Picture Casey and Dan on the way to a party in Connecticut. Picture that the party is a barbecue being hosted by the esteemed Mr. Sachs. Picture that Casey is driving. Picture that they're several hours late, and Casey won't ask for directions.

Blame Caro for instigation, and thank Lyra humbly for extreme caps lock action.



DAN: Can I say something?

CASEY: No. You can't.

DAN: I'd like to say something.

CASEY: I'd like not to hear it.

DAN: Okay. That's fair.

CASEY: Thanks. I thought so.

DAN: Oh wait, no, it's not. Casey, we're lost.

CASEY: We are not *lost*, Dan. Lost is Columbus ending up in the Caribbean instead of India. Lost is Robinson Crusoe. Lost is Luthor Sach's sense of decency. We are just...displaced.

DAN: Displaced being synonymous with lost.

CASEY: No! It's not! To the untrained eye it may look as though we are lost, but we are most emphatically not.

DAN: Okay, we're not lost.

CASEY: *Thank* you.

DAN: We just don't know where the hell we are…

CASEY: You do know that I've secretly never liked you, right?

DAN: …or where the hell we're going.

CASEY: Because this whole friendship thing was totally a sham. Just a ploy to keep you close enough to kill at any moment.

DAN: Very Machiavellian of you, Casey.

CASEY: I try.

DAN: Is this whole getting lost in Connecticut thing part of your intricate and slow-moving plot to kill me?

CASEY: Telling you would ruin the element of surprise.

DAN: You know what would be a really big surprise, Casey? If we actually ever make it back to civilization.

CASEY: We're hardly lost in the Yukon or anything. There's a Mobil ten minutes behind us.

DAN: Another ten minutes with you behind the wheel and we might accidentally end up in never-never land.

CASEY: Fine. You want to drive? We'll stop right here, right now, and you can get in the driver's seat and then magically we'll speed past the *hours worth of traffic* in front of us and end up at Luthor's. The car will turn into Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, and wings will pop out or something.

DAN: I can't drive.

CASEY: You can't drive?

DAN: I'm from New York! I have the subway! What do I need with a car?

CASEY: You can't drive.

DAN: You keep saying that.

CASEY: That's because it amuses me. How is it that I've known you for ten years and didn't know that you can't drive?

DAN: I'm like an onion. I've got layers.

CASEY: And you felt that I hadn't worked up to the 'driving' layer?

DAN: That's a way of putting it.

CASEY: You're embarrassed.

DAN: A lesser man might be.

CASEY: You're blushing.

DAN: That's windburn.

CASEY: It wasn't there ten minutes ago.

DAN: We're still lost.

CASEY: Displaced.

DAN: Has anyone ever told you that you have serious denial issues?

CASEY: It's been mentioned in the past, yes.

DAN: As long as you're aware.

CASEY: Being in denial wouldn't preclude me from pretending that I don't know that I'm in denial, now would it, Dan?

DAN: Does the hamster on the wheel that powers your brain ever get tired?

CASEY: The problem is this traffic.

DAN: The problem is that you have no idea where we're going.

CASEY: You're like a bulldog, you know that?

DAN: I'm calling Dana.

CASEY: You are *not* calling Dana!

DAN: Oh yes I am. I'm calling her right now. I'm making the call.

CASEY: Dan! You can't call Dana! That's breaking the guy-code!

DAN: There's a guy code about calling Dana?

CASEY: You have the help me protect my...my manly dignity.

DAN: Casey, newsflash: you have no dignity, manly or otherwise.

CASEY: I do too! I'm dignified! I'm a person of dignity! Gimme that damned phone!

DAN: Casey! The wheel! Hold onto the wheel!

CASEY: Hah. You're not calling *anyone*.

DAN: What are you doing with my phone?

CASEY: I'm throwing it out the window.

DAN: You know, I can just get out of the car and walk around and pick it up if you do that. It's really just a gesture.

CASEY: Then I'm putting it in my pocket where you can't get at it.

DAN: Are double dog daring me, here?

CASEY: What are you, in fourth grade?

DAN: Yes, actually.

CASEY: That would explain many things.

DAN: I'd like to say something.

CASEY: Oh, God, not this again.

DAN: We are still lost. Or *displaced*, as some might say.

CASEY: Thank you.

DAN: We need to become un-displaced.

CASEY: I think the proper way of saying that would be 'placed'.

DAN: Due to the friendship I bear you, I will refrain from comment on your grammatical anal retentiveness.

CASEY: Retention.

DAN: As I was saying, we need to become...placed, or we'll end up in a ditch somewhere in the wilds of Connecticut –

CASEY: Connecticut has wilds?

DAN: It's a little known fact. Anyway, we'll be lost there, and we'll have to live off Life Savers and rainwater before we go crazy and revert to Neanderthal behavior.

CASEY: Me Casey, You Dan.

DAN: In order to become *placed*, we have to orient ourselves.

CASEY: If you're about to ask for a compass I don't have one.

DAN: Do you have a *map*?

CASEY: Check the glove compartment.

DAN: Ay yay, Captain.

CASEY: You know, I could just kill you and eat you if we got lost in the non-existent Connecticut wilds.

DAN: And we're back to killing me. Do you have some buried hostility toward me, Casey? Because we've got plenty of time to work through it, seeing as we're lost and all.

CASEY: You know, I think the hostility's becoming a little less buried every time you say that.

DAN: Casey?

CASEY: Yes, Dan?

DAN: Let's have a hypothetical situation here.

CASEY: Okay, I'll bite.

DAN: Let's say you were displaced and you had a map and you were attempting to un-displace yourself.

CASEY: I think it would be safer to say that's what *you're* trying to do. I'm trying to drive.

DAN: This is a hypothetical. It bears only the slightest resemblance to reality.

CASEY: Right.

DAN: Anyway, let's just say you were looking at a map. And you didn't really...

CASEY: I didn't really what?

DAN: Understand how maps work.

CASEY: Excuse me?

DAN: You heard me.

CASEY: Are you sure? Because it sounded like you were saying that you don't understand how maps work.

DAN: Casey, this is only a hypothetical.

CASEY: That bears just the slightest resemblance to reality.

DAN: Exactly.

CASEY: You can't drive and you can't read maps. It's a damned good thing you had that New York Renaissance. If you lived anywhere else you'd never know where you were or where you were going.

DAN: You're really not following me on this hypothetical thing, are you?

CASEY: I think there's more than one person in this car with denial issues.

DAN: That's so far off base.

CASEY: See! Denial!

DAN: I think I'm uncovering some hostility toward you now, too.

CASEY: It's always nice when things are mutual.

DAN: We're never going to get to this barbecue.

CASEY: It seems doubtful, yes.

DAN: I may have a plan.

CASEY: That sounds very, very dangerous.

DAN: It's possible.

CASEY: Dan, tell me that your plan doesn't involve driving a semi.

DAN: What?

CASEY: I just wanted to be sure.

DAN: Well, I think I can promise that won't happen.

CASEY: I'm glad to hear it.

DAN: Would you like to hear my plan?

CASEY: Do I get a choice?

DAN: My plan is that you should turn off at the next exit.

CASEY: That's it?

DAN: Then you should ask for directions to the nearest hotel.

CASEY: Oh?

DAN: And then you should let me suck you off.

CASEY: Dan, have I told you lately that I love your plans?

DAN: No. In fact, I think you mocked my planning abilities cruelly.

CASEY: For that I sincerely apologize.

DAN: Damn straight you do.

The. End.
 
 
Current Mood: blahblah
Current Music: Scientist Studies - Death Cab for Cutie
 
 
 
"I don't care how delicious he is, he's EVIL!": days of warshrift on December 30th, 2003 08:08 am (UTC)
*beams at you*

Clearly, this indicates that you ought to be writing Dan/Casey fan fiction. Like, right now, would be good. The last few years, it's pretty much just been me and whomever I can beg to write a wee something.

So, um, please?
Beanbarely_bean on January 6th, 2004 06:08 am (UTC)
Dude, I'm working on her. I've got this list of people to bug and I'm going down the line. scrunchy has already succumbed, Nif's next. *smooches my niflet*
Casey: Dan and Caseyedgecity on December 30th, 2003 08:16 am (UTC)
Eeeeeee!
DAN: Is this whole getting lost in Connecticut thing part of your intricate and slow-moving plot to kill me?

CASEY: Telling you would ruin the element of surprise.

DAN: You know what would be a really big surprise, Casey? If we actually ever make it back to civilization.


*laughs ass off*

*loves the rest of it too*

This was great Nifra, you're a natural! Have any more of this up your sleeve? *g*
Alethia: Teen Godalethialia on December 30th, 2003 08:26 am (UTC)
::loves::

Their voices are perfect! This so could have been on the show. Alas.

Aww, now I miss SN. But great job!
Celli: SN happycelli on December 30th, 2003 08:41 am (UTC)
*dances like a freak*

Woooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

DAN: Does the hamster on the wheel that powers your brain ever get tired?

*dies laughing*
J Calanthe: mmmonkeysjcalanthe on December 30th, 2003 10:13 am (UTC)
Bwee! I love it! You totally have captured the Sorkin dialog - I could hear Dan and Casey bantering in my head. I hope (in a nonpressureful way of course) you'll be writing more more more SN. *g*
Dolimirdolimir_k on December 30th, 2003 11:18 am (UTC)
While I never really watched Sports Night, nor read the fanfic, I gotta say that I loved this.

And if you pull me into another fandom, I'm going to be quite vexed!

But this was perfect! Incredibly snarky. I love the banter and the humor!
Rachel Wilderrachel_wilder on December 30th, 2003 02:38 pm (UTC)
My absolutele favorite line...

DAN: I'm like an onion. I've got layers.

Oh, Dan...Casey...we hardly knew ye...
Aelita: angryaelita on December 30th, 2003 03:29 pm (UTC)
DAN: You know what would be a really big surprise, Casey? If we actually ever make it back to civilization.
CASEY: We're hardly lost in the Yukon or anything. There's a Mobil ten minutes behind us.
DAN: Another ten minutes with you behind the wheel and we might accidentally end up in never-never land.


*laughs ass off* Oh, my. I needed this. Hysterical and perfectly in character. Now I have an urge to rewatch SN. Again.
Jerlugonn on December 30th, 2003 07:39 pm (UTC)
I haven't read SN in a while. You manage the witty banter wonderfully. It is interesting how these characters are so much JUST about the dialog that it doesn't seem hollow with only dialog in the story.
i was always like this: Nicholas Leabionic on December 31st, 2003 02:26 am (UTC)
lol! Ahhh....the Danny/Casey love. Mmm. Hilarious, and *so* a scenario I can picture quite clearly in my head...
magnifica7: KITT jumpmagnifica7 on November 4th, 2009 10:16 pm (UTC)
Totally awesome! :)