Ray: YOU GAVE HIM BOOBS!
Fraser: And other female anatonomical structures as well.
Ray: I mean, BIG BOOBS!
Author: Hey, if you're gonna eat a cookie...
Fraser: I'm not entirely sure where cookies come into this.
Ray: I think we're forgetting something, which is that you GAVE FRASER, A MAN, BREASTS! YOU TURNED FRASER INTO A GIRL! AND THEN YOU WALKED AWAY! WHAT KIND OF MONSTER ARE YOU?
Author: You know. Pretty?
Fraser: I'd rather appreciate it if you would -- perhaps --
Ray: Give him his dick back! Now! Stat! Today!
Author: All in good time. All in good time, my pretties.
The rest of the world: Omigod you are so fucked up, Nifra.
Lionel: My patience wears thin.
Author: You can't threaten me, you're fictional!
Lionel: That's never stopped me before.
Author: That is a valid point.
Lex: What am I doing here?
Author: Another valid point.
Lionel: Son, glad to see you --
Author and Lex: *look at one another and run for the hills*
Clark: My clothes are scratchy, and smell like dead things.
Author: That's because they're furs. You're a Germanic war chief.
Lex: You married me to Victoria and made me a Roman envoy to the warring Germanic tribes?
Lex: Thank you ever so much. That's exactly what I needed.
Author: Sarcasm isn't going to get you out of this one, buddy.
Pete: Wtf am I doing here?
Author: I -- am not entirely sure.
Whitney: Do I really have to be an asshole? I mean, really?
Author: You're not , Whitney, you're just concerned about the future of your tribe and you think that you'd be a better leader and --
Clark: They really didn't have any cotton? I mean, not any? The stench is kind of getting to me. And can I cut my hair? Please?
Author: Clark. Go play with something shiny.
Chloe becomes Lex's minion
Lex: There is no one in the world who understands what I'm going through, or cares about me.
Lex: Oh, right.
Chloe: Nifra, don't you dare blow me up again.
Lex: NO EXPLOSIVES, DAMMIT! NONE!
Author: I -- wasn't going to do anything of the sort. *hides bomb behind her back*
Lex: I will shank you, motherfucker!
Any fic ever that includes Fraser's voice
Author: Please stop it. Please just stop it and let me write you.
Fraser: I haven't the slightest idea why you're having such trouble. After all, you know the basic outline of the plot, the particulars of the character interaction, and the nuances of emotion you'd like to convey. It seems to me as though you should be able to --
Author: Shuttup, shutttup, shut UP! I can't WRITE YOU!
Dief: *licks Author's toes*
Ray: *smokes cigarette and paces in the background* I told you he'd be difficult. Didn't I tell you? I told you. Fraser, what is this, this thing you've got? This thing you do where you're, like, impossible for her to write? Do not *want* her to write you? Is her writing you not something you want?
Fraser: Ray, that's simply not --
Ray: See? You want her to write you, and you will not let her write you. You jsut sit there, and you argue. Don't open your mouth, Fraser. Do not open your mouth, because if you open your mouth, you're gonna argue.
Author: I will punch both of you in the head. For fucking real.
Frannie: I'm gonna get to do it?
Author: In a manner of speaking.
Frannie: What does that mean?
Author: Well. You know. You'll get naked and stuff. Just --
Frannie: I get it. This is another wankfic.
Frannie: Could you write more of those if you tried?
Author: ...possibly. But it's a vaguely terrifying thought.