pure FORESHADOWING (nifra_idril) wrote,

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This is quite clearly a failing attempt at distraction.

1. I have signed up for Yuletide. This is insanity. I blame Dubya.
Anyway, I said I could write The L Word, 28 Days Later, Clasiscal Mythology, Cold Mountain, King Arthur (the movie, despite deep seated internal conflict on this point), Horatio Hornblower and Mean Girls. It'll be an interesting time, without a doubt.

1. HOWL ( due South: Rayk/Fraser, Rayk/Stella ) - What I like about this is that I think I managed to write a story about masturbation that certainly wasn't about sex, or love. It's about being alone, and being isolated, and the sort of emptiness that will make you search for any kind of release whatsoever -- a howl, or breaking your house apart, or jerking off. Rayk is needsexual in my head; he needs to be felt, and touched and held, and he's not getting that. The reason he's so obsessed with Stella (I think) is because he can't be alone. No, let me say that again: he can't be alone, and I think he knows that. I like how mechanical I made the sex here. I think I did that right.

2. Prelude ( Harry Potter/Sandman : Tom Riddle/Alex Burgess) - Okay, so this was requested by musesfool, but what she asked for? Was Tom Riddle/Roderick Burgess. I sat down, and I thought and I thought, and after doing the math that was basically not chronologically possible...except, maybe it was. The idea of Tom Riddle being old Roderick's little acolyte/slut boy was appealing, but at the same time, the idea of Tom Riddle obsessively attracted to/weirdly possesive of the idea of Roderick Burgess was infinitely more creepy and interesting to me. Let me just say here that writing this story was terrifying; it was too easy to write Tom Riddle. He's just such a vile little Lolito. I mean, utterly vile. And yet, I really felt like it was easy to crawl into his snakey little mind. So, yeah, it made me wonder about me a little, but at the same time I'm really proud of it. I think what I like best is Tom Riddle trying so hard to practically devour what's left of Roderick Burgess -- it's not even about wanting to be him, or wanting to be with him, it's about wanting to have Roderick Burgess inside him in this quasi-sexual way. That vibe is what I like about this story. I also think I did a fairly creditable Dream, fucking intimidating though the idea of writing him is in the first place.

3. Come Unto These Yellow Sands ( Horatio Hornblower : Horatio Hornblower/Archie Kennedy) - Okay, my love for Horatio is sort of ridiculous and huge. It's just this big ol' elephant of love that tromps through my mind every now and then, and like, stomps on everything in it's path until I recognize and acknowledge that yes, Horatio, you are the prettiest little sea!woobie of all times. *pets his little sea!woobie head* Anyway, this story is my first story in that fandom, and it's -- a lot of people have written LKU (Live Kennedy Universe) stories, but I felt like there was simply no way to write a living Horatio and Archie together after 'Retribution'. I know I'm one of the very few who feels this way, but I feel like Archie living would create and impossible and even more painful situation for Horatio, and besides, I like the idea that these two men have this huge unconsummated love before Archie dies. I think the fact that Archie *does* die is what keeps it so perfect and pure in a lot of ways, because they're both Napoleonic War era officers and as much as I love to crawl into the headspace of denial here, I feel like in life the tabbos and dogma against homosexuality would have made such a love more or less impossible to maintain. So I killed Horatio. And then I put them together. What I like about this story is that I think I managed to make it really vivid and concrete, and I also like the mystery of it. (Or, at least, I flatter myself to think that I created a sense of mystery in it despite the dreamy flow of the narrative.) Also, I think I did a pretty fair job of keeping their relationship kind of ambiguous up until the end so that the kiss was inevitable, which I also like. Plus, PS: OMIGOD IOAN IS SO HOT DIES!!!!111ELEVENTY ONE!!!

4. Caliban ( Smallville :Clark/Lex) - What I like about this story is that it's told in the second person, but not because it's -- the second person. It's a story about how Louis was created. I maintain that Louis is one of the most singularly amazing things that Smallville has ever done. With this story I started with a kind of fucked up vantage point on where Lex was, what was happening with him -- the second person narrative voice -- and I ended up creating an actual second person to be in the story. I think I did it anyway, but I tried to break Lex down until the point of breaking -- until he couldn't go on the way he was anymore, and so Louis was an absolute neccesity. I still feel vaguely lke the last section should be third person, but in the draft where I tried that it just read weirdly. I think, also, that I managed to write a really true to Lex (and his negative aspect, Louis) account of how he feels about Clark -- the desire to protect and break all at once. That frustrated love's gotta be a bitch, and it's gotta make a bitch of Lex, too. Also, I have a sentimental attachment to this story in that it's the first time I ever felt really comfortable with Lex.

5. Leave No Scar ( Smallville : Clark/Lex, Clark/Lois ) - I wrote this pre-Lois, but I still feel like this is the real future. I don't know why, but in my head, this is what happens with Clark and Lex. This is how it goes. And I think that this still works in some ways, given the Durance Lois. I'd change it if I was writing it now, of course, but the fact that it withstood SV's Lois makes me happy. I think it did, anyway. I also kind of feel guilty whenever I read this story, because it was very definitely supposed to be happy until I got to the point where Clark and Lex were in the same room and it just occurred to me that -- no. This is not a Lex who can forgive, not if Clark can't say anything real to him. And that's what happens here; Clark assumes that saying he loves Lex is enough to make everything between them that is negative go away, and that. just. isn't. so. I love Clark, I love Clark like nobody's business, but I think in some ways Clark (or at least this Clark) is far too naive and idealistic. And I think that with the man Lex is in the process of becoming, that's especially dangerous. Particularly when you've waited too long to make a move, and that's another issue. But this Clark's greatest sin is naivete, and it gets punished in spades. And I feel so bad for him. I really truly do. But I feel worst for this Lois, because I have to admit -- I am and always have been a Clark/Lois shipper in a quiet corner of my heart, and this Lois gets everything she thinks she wants. Except it isn't. Not really. She gets the hand-me-down Clark who's going to cling and cling and cling. There was a time when I thought I was going to write a sequel to this with Lois dying, and Lex and Clark getting together, and it's all very vague in my head right now as to where I wanted that to go except for this mental image: Clark and Lex in bed together, Clark kind of exhausted and despairing and confused and Lex's hand on his chest and Lex says to him, "Before -- I never tried to kill you. I couldn't do it, not really, but if you leave me now Clark? Nothing on this earth will stop me."

Yeah, I'm fucked up, I know.

6. To Never Speak Above a Whisper ( Smallville : Lex, Lionel ) - Yeah, okay, so it got jossed. I still love it, and it still creeps me the fuck out and yet seems so perfectly Luthor to me. After seeing Shattered, I had to know what had happened to Julian, and I just had this image of Lionel shifting the blame to Lex. I never really thought about Lillian doing it (unlike a fairly large subset of fandom, apparently) because it just seemed to be such an intimate quiet sneaky 'cosa nostra' Lionel and Lex moment when Lionel mentioned it to gun-wielding Lex. And Lex seemed to love Julian so much in that moment where he sings to the blanket in Shattered -- I just had this mental image of Lex cupping his hand around Julian's little chubby feet. And I sort of went from there. I think I managed to write this with a kind of overhanging malice that I feel must be endemic to the Luthor childhood experience, and I like that. This is another story that makes me wonder about myself, though. Also, I vaguely wish I hadn't intimated that Lionel was an alchoholic. Because I don't think he is, but that is neither here nor there.

7. Forge ( Smallville : Lionel Luthor/Morgan Edge ) - The star of this story is Suicide Slum. Smallville's filled with all of these references to really obviously named towns and places (Smallville being one of those place names), but something about the term 'Suicide Slum' ran away with my brain. Also, I keep trying to understand Lionel Luthor more and more and there was just something about the way he interacted with Morgan Edge that seemed to just scream to me that this was the missing piece. This story is another one of those OMIGODTHEIRLOVEISSOSOCIOPATHIC!!! stories that I have a weird kink for. Anyway, it's also predicated on the idea that Lionel and Morgan together were an unstoppable unit -- that they didn't really see any kind of real seperation between one another. They were *one* entity: LionelandMorgan. And they did all kinds of unspeakable things and then rose to power, and only then seperated for reasons I have yet to figure out. So sex between them is like a weird kind of masturbation, but also an affirmation of the fact that they are above all the rules. They can do whatever feels right, whatever feels good, and it's fine. They're special, they're Gods among a whole neighborhood of people who buy into the butcher's machine they live in.

This is why Clark and Lex together terrify Lionel so much in my head, btw -- because consider the fact that Lionel's experience of Clark is largely Clark channeling Kal or Redk Clark. He's got a very different idea of who Clark Kent is than most of us do, and who Clark Kent is in Lionel's mind must be more than just an interesting and alluring mystery; he's the accomplice who could turn Lex into a God just like Morgan did for Lionel. And Lex is more of a warrior than Lionel ever was -- as latxcvi says all the time -- and Lionel sees that Clark and Lex together would be impossible for him to defeat or even contend with, so he's married to the goal of seperating them at all costs.

But I digress. This is a story about Suicide Slum, and I think I made it as real as I wrote this as it was in my head. I think I did the Slum justice, which is why I like this story so much.

8. Moonlight Ladies ( Smallville : Martha Kent, Nell Potter, Laurel Sullivan ) - I've got a beef with Smallville for the way they treat the ladies. This is no surprise to *anyone* who's been reading my LJ, because, well. I rant about it all the time. And Nell in particular, I think, gets a really short shrift from SV and from SV fandom. But that's not what this story is about; this story is about motherhood, which on SV is an interesting mixture of abdication and abnegation. Martha's given up so much to be Super Mom (or so we're supposed to view her, I find it hard), and Nell's just gone. Not to mention the fact that I had to flat out create a character to be Chloe's mom. I think Laurel's the reason I like this story so much though -- I think she works. I think she works really well, and I'm really proud of that. I tried to make her as much like Chloe as I could, but, you know, in a sneaky way. I think I made a really good case for her, though I still have weird issues about the idea of anyone deserting their family. (It's a thing.) But more than that, I'm just really happy with the mother-child dynamics I had here, and how I was able to make these women be *women* and mothers all at once. A lot of times people forget that mothers are also women, and I didn't want to forget that.

9. Like Lemon Meringue ( Smallville : Lana Lang/Chloe Sullivan ) - This is another story for the honeys. *coughs* Okay, I'll stop trying to be a weird rapper-type despite the huge amounts of Eminem I'm currently listening to (omigod election anxiety *shakes*). So, yes. This story -- I like femmeslash. And I like Chloe, and I like Lana (SHUTTUP!), and I like them together better than I like them with anyone else we've seen so far. Jason's great, and I like him fine, but the thing is that Lana and Chloe together work on a level that's really interesting. While Chloe is the more extroverted of the pair, the truth is that she's way less agressive -- she doesn't take care of herself the way that Lana does. Lana, on the other hand, goes after what she wants, and doesn't really take too much crap. (I mean, you know, sometimes she does, but more often than not she sets pretty good boundaries. Whether or not we as viewers agree with those decisions all the time remains to be seen, but still. Girl sets boundaries when she feels she needs to.) And they've got complementary abandonment neuroses, and will call each other on their bullshit more often than not, I think, and therefore are maybe the most functional potential couple on the show. Also, PS, they're both way hot. Anyway, I think this story made a really good case for Chloe/Lana, and I stand by that. I am Nifra Idril, and I approve that message.

10. Arise You Sleeper (I Am Your Dream) ( Smallville : Clark Kent/Lex Luthor, Clark Kent/Lana Lang, Clark Kent/Chloe Sullivan ) - I'm a big believer that dream scapes are really indicative of where a person is, and when I sat down to write this story post-Asylum last year I thought that it would be really interesting to do it this way. Lex is a huge spectre in this story, as is Clark's guilt and self-loathing, anger and isolation. I think I did a good job making these snippets vivid and tangible, which I like. I also just really like the format, and how I managed to make it surreal. This story is my baby, in a lot of ways. And I think I'm weirdly proudest of it.

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