Which have been some pretty watching-things-intensive days, really. Considering that both Saturday and Sunday were spent more or less lazily flopped onto a bed or couch, with sunglasses on and blankets pulled up over my ears, I find it unsurprising.
The COLORS, omigod, the COLORS. I'm sure everyone and their mother has said that. But let me re-iterate: THE COLORS!!! The scenes in Zhao with the red? I thought I was going to like, pass out for love of red. As you all may hav enoticed, I've got a thing for colors. I know everyone likes them -- but for me? Colors are a way of life. I am the United Colors of Benneton, or, at least, I have aspects of that in me, and it has turned my room into a kaleidoscope of green and purple.
But. Right. The movie. Yes. It's just gorgeous, and it totally took my break away. Big yes on that movie.
Super Size Me
I should never be allowed to watch documentaries, ever. I should be kept far away from the Discovery channel, and documentaries, and the History channel, and the Travel channel, and everything like that.
Documentaries inspire, in me, a kind of frenzied hysteria as I absorb the new knowledge, sponge-like and rapt. And afterward, I babble about them incoherently to anyone who will listen.
Case in point: OMG IN TEN WEEKS MCDONALD'S FRENCH FRIES DO NOT DECOMPOSE AT ALL!! THEY LOOK LIKE THEY HAVE JUST BEEN BOUGHT!! HOW HAVE I EVER PUT THESE THINGS IN MY BODY!?!?
*does sit ups*
It seems that most of the acting on the part of the character Micheal is done by his mousse. I'm not judging, I'm just saying.
Also, it's clear to me now that Julie Benz is the key to making me happy in any television endeavor. You give me Julie Benz, and I'll flail with joy.
Isabel/Marie. It's got to be out there. Somebody talk to me.
The love story between Max and Liz interests me about as much as day old flan.
I am inappropriately attracted to the Sherriff. It makes me uncomfortable.
Homicide: Life on the Street, S5
My love for this show cannot be quantified, or explained. I will not even try.
So. This is -- okay. Let me begin by saying that the original movie of this was something I grew up with. Let me explain by saying that we would watch it together, as a family, and those were good times. Those were very good times.
Because the mocking never stopped. There was never a time where it wasn't funny to mock the Nosferatu-esque prosthetics the vampires had. It was amazing. No matter how many times you watched, there was a new gem to laugh at.
This is not like that. It makes a really good attempt at actually being scary, and it's got good voice-overs which I had begun to wonder about the possibility of at all thanks to Chris Carter, and Rob Lowe, too. And Rob Lowe is way pretty.
Rob Lowe is a writery guy who goes who to Jerusalem's Lot (the name confusion is hardcore in this movie -- is the town Salem's Lot? What is Salem's Lot? Where is Salem? Is Salem short for Jerusalem? Do many towns have nicknames? If so, does my hometown feel left out because it doesn't?) where he grew up, and oh, yeah, had a way traumatic incident in his childhood.
The trauma is reflected through the cinematography because when he thinks about it, everything goes kind of orangey, and there are fast cuts. He sees a guy hang himself, and then there are two other dead bodies. That's the trauma. Which is way legitimate, especially considering that he shuts down all together, and then shakes on the floor for like, you know, days.
Anyway, so he comes back to Jerusalem's lot, because he's writing a book about the roots of domestic evil, and there's this whole thing about what the town knows of evil, yadda yadda yadda. This is unimportant, except to the basic thematic elements that they're trying to establish. I care not for these things.
So, okay, the way assholey town mayor guy invites Donald Sutherland to move to Jerusalem's lot and into the house where Rob Lowe had his childhood trauma. Donald Sutherland owns an antique store, and has an absentee partner who turns out to be the undead Rutger Hauer, but most importantly, Donald Sutherland is bizarro Santa Claus.
I don't know when it happened, but it did. And he is a glee-fully evil Santa Claus. I will never be able to take him seriously again.
So, these kids get turned into vampires, and the graveyard is accidentally unconsecrated, and Rob Lowe macks on Samantha Mathis and she likes it much to the disgust of her boyfriend who is named Floyd, and also, Andre Braugher is gay.
This isn't a "Omigod Clark is so gay moment" this is a "Andre Braugher's character is gay" moment. I say this just to make sure you don't think I'm exagerating when I tell you what I have to tell you next.
Okay, background: Andre Braugher's character is named Matt Burke, he's been an English teacher in (Jeru?)salem's Lot for, you know, ever. He's gay.
There is another character named Mike, who's way sweet. He owns the landscaping/trash collecting/moving heavy things for money businesses. This does not in any way make him rich, but it does make him strong. His best friend is this mentally/physically handicapped guy named Dougie, who turns into a vampire pretty early on.
Anyway. Now. Let me tell you of the important things, my children.
Mike gets -- well, he goes crazy while burying a kid who is about to become a vampire, and he's burying him in accidentally unconsecrated ground, and so I guess that's what makes him go crazy and think he can see his mother's eyes, but who knows, even?
Anyway, Mike and his buddy Floyd go to the local hang out cafe place, and Mike freaks out, as people who have INCIPIENT VAMPIRE DEMENTIA tend to do, apparently. But -- instead of becoming way violent and wearing pink rubber gloves like other people do -- Mike gets really agitated and gets up in Floyd's grill and yells at him to say ONE THING WORTH SAYING, and to be honest, and tell the truth because Mike is getting entirely tired of secretes. Floyd freaks out, storms out, there's almost a fight.
So Gay Matt, comes over and looks at Mike and Mike is in BAD SHAPE, what with his incipient vampire dementia at all. Matt's all, either you're on a lot of drugs or you're way sick and possibly dying, so come with me, and if in the morning you're still this way, then I'm takin you to the hospital.
So Mike goes home with Matt.
And Matt's all making small talk with Mike as he shows Mike the bedroom Mike is going to sleep in and then Mike takes off his shirt. Now, there are wonders of this world, and there are the pecs this guy reveals. I -- *drools and falls over, like, a lot*. Uber-fuckin'-hot. Lean, and cut, and fucking GORGEOUS OMIGOD.
Anyway, Mike takes of the shirt, and Matt's reaction to his toros is largely the same as mine. Just with more -- staring and less talking/typing up a re-enactment of how he is internally flailing and falling over. Matt is basically just STARING at how hot Mike is, and Mike is staring at Matt staring at him. Matt tries to make small talk about the GINORMOUS bruise on Mike's chest, but you know, mainly they just stand there having sexual tension, and then Matt leaves. And after Matt leaves, Mike stands there, smiling in this sweet and happy way.
So, naturally, Mike dies and becomes a vampire pretty much immediately.
Except, the next night? Mike comes back, and where does he go first? To Matt's. And the fucked up thing? Is Mike doesn't get the fact that he's dead, and a vampire. He doesn't *know*!!
Matt gets it, and Matt freaks out and cries, you know, like you do when there's a way hot guy who you've had a sexually tense moment with in your house and he's now suddenly a blood-sucking memeber of the legions of undead.
Mike, on the other hand, does this:
Mike just gets really intense, and starts saying, "Matt, look at me. Look at me." Matt's crying, and saying "What did you do" and "get out of myhouse" and "i disinvite you", but Mike's like "Look at me, just -- god!" and then he pulls his hospital gown up all the way. Like -- a very sort of "HI HERE IS MY NAKED BODY LOOK AT IT" gesture, and he continues saying "Look at me, and stalking toward Matt, in this intense, really earnest way.
And as Matt starts to say "You're a monster, a thing, an it" Mike says "Don't you ever get sick of pretending?" Mike says "I know you want to touch me. I can feel it. Touch me. IF you touch me, I can touch you." And there's such *want* in his way of being and face, and NAKED HOT BODY. And Matt says "You died" And Mike starts to shake his head and Matt's all "look in the mirror where you AREN'T!" and Mike looks in the mirror, realizes he's a vampire, freaks out, and instead of attacking Matt, flies away.
So, then other things happen and the movie ends. But that's not the point. The point is that you should (for that scene alone) watch the miniseries (which you can get at blockbuster, like I did!) and write me stories about Mike and Matt (and possibly Floyd) because Matt? Oh, yeah, PS, he was Mike's high school English teacher.
You know you're intrigued.