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22 March 2005 @ 12:56 pm
In which I count my blessings.  
I am happy to report that I've never been attacked by a bear.

This may seem strange to you, this declaration, but really, the more I think about it the more traumatic it would be. Bears seem so cuddly and befuddled. I mean, sure they have a lot of teeth, and certainly they're big, but -- they have all that excess skin and fur, and those big arms and they amble all along clumsily because they're bears. I think that if I was attacked by a bear I'd never trust anything again.

As bad as days get, sometimes, at least I've got this: I have never been attacked by a bear, and I'm damn proud.

Other things that I have to be thankful of:

I'm not being chased by a crazy Texan wearing my boyfriend's face, ala Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
I've never had my teeth pulled out while I'm still conscious.
I am not dying of diarrhea.
I have never been forced to wear an Elizabethan ruff.
My feet have not been bound.
I've never eaten a bad egg.
I am not covered with live rats right now.
I have never been sentenced to the death of a thousand cuts.
I will never be kicked in the balls, because I don't have balls.
My father isn't a sociopathic megalomaniac with a messiah complex.
I've never lost a year of my life due to amnesia.
I am not the enemy of the Dark Lord.
A child has never burst fully formed from my calf OR my skull.
I have never had sex with a bull and given birth to a minotaur.

These are the things that give you perspective.
Current Mood: irritatedirritated
Current Music: Underworld
BUT HARRY STYLES: SYD GLASSES by twilightbadgirlestrella30 on March 22nd, 2005 08:31 pm (UTC)
I am not covered with live rats right now.

I really just love the *right now* in that sentence, because to ME that says, "You're lucky to not be covered RIGHT NOW. But if you were to be covered in live rats next Thursday, well, that would be FINE. Or dead rats, even."


pure FORESHADOWING: Bobcatitude!nifra_idril on March 22nd, 2005 09:08 pm (UTC)
Any time I'm not covered in rats is a fine time to me. Live, dead, it doesn't matter. As long as they're far away from me, there is sunshine in my life. Mmm, phobia.
Tiny Timmy Tokyo: we are hedgesslodwick on March 22nd, 2005 10:23 pm (UTC)
Don't forget bunnies.
pure FORESHADOWING: Bobcatitude!nifra_idril on March 23rd, 2005 03:44 am (UTC)
That's more an out and out loathing kind of a situation than a phobia thing. God, how I hate langomorphs (lagomorphs?).