Me: *pauses with food half way to mouth* Fiction?
Nif!Mom: Oh, you know, the -- what's the word? Things people think are going to happen in the up-coming book?
Nif!Mom: No, what's that?
Nif, and 3 sibs: NOTHING.
Nif!Bro: I think you're talking about spoilers.
Nif!Mom: Ahh, yes. Anyway, I have this theory about Harry Potter --
This devolved into a very serious (Sirius?) three hour conversation between me, my siblings, and my mother about the characters of HP, the possible plot lines of HP, possible pairings, and philosophies underpinning why we think what we think about the series.
1. Nif!Sis2: Draco totally has a crush on Hermione! He's overcompensating by making fun of her all the time and I think it's the best plot twist ever! You'll see!
Nif!Mom: Draco's in the closet. He's a total queen.
Nif!Bro: So you think he's overcompensating by making fun of Harry all the time?
Nif!Mom: Well, doesn't everybody think that?
2. My mother's explanation of why Neville Longbottom is going to end up being the hottest and most talented wizard ever, and her crush on Arthur Weasely.
3. My brother's rampage about how Remus Lupin is essentially the greatest character of all time, and a collective Nif!Fam agreement that Remus deserves to be fed grapes by scantily clad Lolito-models for the rest of his life. (This agreement reached after extensive discussion of Remus' sexuality, which I stayed out of.)
4. Nif!Sister1's explanation of why she feels that Harry Potter is a red herring, and that Neville is the one mentioned by the prophecies, which is why she thinks Neville will die and Harry will live, and it will be the world's greatest (and weirdest) mindfuck.
5. My mother's deeply held belief that the only way the series can end is if Harry and Voldemort have, in her words, "A Vulcan mindmeld."
The debate got so intense that my brother ended up lying down beneath the cocktail table in the living room while my youngest sister crawled over it, and my middle sister hurled pillows. I hid behind the sofa, and my mother tried to steal my sister's blanket.
We are a crazy tribe.