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27 September 2005 @ 01:03 am
Fic: (Kitchen Confidential, Jack/Steven)  
Yeah, okay. It's a kitchen filled with cilantro and gay love, and you expect me -- me -- to exhibit restraint? Not gonna happen. No matter how much art history I may have to do.

See? Way not an adult.

Summary: Steven was not a picky man, nor was he particularly moral, or patient, but above all - he wasn't picky.

Steven was not a picky man, nor was he particularly moral, or patient, but above all – he wasn’t picky. He was entirely comfortable to take the blonde with the too long face when Jack opted for her brunette friend, who had one of the more spectacular rear ends Steven had ever been privileged to stare at. The blonde was a nice enough girl – not as pretty as her friend, maybe, but nice enough, and he and Jack had done rather well for themselves all told.

But his lack of patience and Jack’s lack of restraint had conspired together against both of their interests, and Steven, not being picky, hadn’t really minded when Jack had dragged him by his jacket into the alley as the girls talked to someone or other on the sidewalk.

“Who the hell has that much to say about shoes?” Jack muttered as he slammed Steven up against the wall. “They cover your feet and keep you from stepping in the goddamned dog shit, that’s it. ”

Steven’s impatient hands made short work of the button and zipper on Jack’s jeans, and he grinned in the dark. “Search me, mate. Can’t think of a thing I’d have to say about shoes.” He was going to say more, something about Jack’s own expensive loafers, but then Jack’s hands were on his skin, and his mouth clicked shut.

“Sick of all that crap anyway,” Jack said, his fingers cold as they reached into Steven’s boxers and grabbed hold of him expertly. “How many times a night do you have to tell someone they look pretty?”

Jack squeezed his dick, started stroking him off roughly, and Steven gasped, “I think you look, fuck!, very pretty.”

“Yeah, thanks, you too, real pretty, can you please get on with it?” Jack said, hips moving restlessly as Steven finally remembered his own hands, trapped between Jack’s boxers and Jack’s hard, heavy cock.

“Can’t leave the ladies waiting too long,” Steven murmured, and Jack grinned again, teeth white, cheeks red and he really was pretty, Steven thought, pushing into Jack’s callused hand again and again.

“Since when,” Jack asked, moving his hand faster and faster, demanding and quick and just the way Steven liked it, “have you been such a gentleman?”

Steven tried to shrug, but then Jack did something – Steven was too drunk to know exactly what – just right, and his eyes rolled back into his head instead. “That, do that again,” Steven said, harsh and low.

“I don’t know, seems to kinda,” Jack pushed his cock against Steven again, “distract you.”

“I will suck you off if you do that again,” Steven gritted out, banging the back of his head against the wall behind him. “I swear to God, mate, I’ll go down on my knees and suck you off.”

Jack laughed against Steven’s ear, so close Steven could smell the tequila on his breath. “You just don’t want me to come on your pants,” he said, so quiet Steven almost didn’t hear him over his own harsh panting. “You’re such a woman.”

Steven grunted, and reached his free hand down to press Jack closer against him. “Case you hadn’t noticed mate,” he managed, “that’s not quite a breast you’ve got there.”

“Thanks for the tip, buddy,” Jack told him, and then he did that thing again, that very, very *right* thing, and he said something else, but Steven didn’t notice because Jack’s hand was busy, and Jack was so good with his hands, bloody genius really. His hands could – oh, his hands could do a lot of marvelous things, and *were* and he wasn’t gentle, or hesitant, like women could be sometimes, but then Jack wasn’t a woman either, and Steven was pretty pleased about that. Steven was pretty pleased about everything Jack was doing with his cold fingers, his cool fast hand.

“Goddamn, Steven, come on already,” Jack said, and when Steven opened his eyes he saw Jack was watching his hand on Steven’s dick, watching Steven fuck his fist. “You’re – shit, man, you must *need* to, so just do it.”

And Jack was right, he did need to come, he needed to come so badly his skin felt too tight, his lungs too small, and when Jack said, “Steven, man, come, okay?” Steven did, biting his lip hard enough that it bled to keep back a scream, curling the fingers of his hand around Jack’s cock as he did. Not tight enough to hurt, but tight enough to shock a hissed, “Shiit, Steven,” out of Jack.

It took Steven a few minutes to start breathing regularly again, and by the time he had, Jack was wiping his hand on Steven’s pants. “Bastard,” he said, and Jack shook his head, grinning again.

“A total woman.”

“Should I say something about your shoes, then?” Steven asked, sliding down the wall, and pulling Jack’s boxers all the way down as Jack braced himself over Steven’s head.

Jack shook his head, red faced and laughing. “No, man, don’t say anything at all.”

“Thought not,” he said, before licking the head of Jack’s cock teasingly until Jack moaned and thrust forward.

“Don’t,” Jack gasped, “fuck around with me right now, I’ve been hard for fucking *years*.”

Lack of restraint suited Jack well, so Steven went to it in earnest, sucking hard, fast, taking in as much as he could and Jack started muttering, “Fuck, Steven, shit – yes –“ over and over and over.

It wasn’t the best blowjob Steven had ever given, hell it wasn’t even the best blowjob he’d ever given Jack, but it seemed to be enough, because it didn’t take much more to make Jack start pumping harder and faster into his mouth, just a firm squeeze at the base of his cock, a thumb pressed right against his sweet spot, and Jack was coming in Steven’s mouth. Arms shaking over Steven’s head, eyes squeezed tightly shut, jerking and coming for a damned long time and Steven kept going until it was over before he sat back on his heels and wiped a hand across his mouth.

He slumped against the wall, and above him, Jack caught his breath slowly.

“Years, eh?” he asked, and Jack cracked one eye open.


“You said you’d been hard for years. Sounds like a medical problem. Teddy swears by acupuncture, you know,” he told Jack. “Though, needles somewhere like that, I don’t know –”

“If you, or Teddy’s friend, or anyone comes near me with a needle,” Jack gasped, “I will personally julienne your balls.”

“Fair enough.”

“I’m serious,” Jack said, eyeing Steven. “I will take a knife and I will –”

Steven held up both hands. “I believe you! I believe you, you sod!”

Jack nodded once, and tugged his jacket into place. “Good. Just so we’re clear.” He poked a head around the corner, and then grinned wolfishly over his shoulder at Steven. “They didn’t go anywhere. You still want the blonde?”

Steven grinned back. “I’m not picky.”

ETA: Sometimes I just want to gut LJ and make ceviche out of it. Now is one of those times.
Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished
Current Music: A Man Like Me -Beulah
Adoable Frunklyra_sena on September 27th, 2005 05:03 am (UTC)
There can never be enough back alley blowjobs or cilantro in my life. *kisses you*

Tiny Timmy Tokyo: kc: no such thing as too manyslodwick on September 27th, 2005 05:27 am (UTC)
celli on September 27th, 2005 05:32 am (UTC)
*grins madly*
sooo many copper pots: I caught you a delicious bassthecomfychair on September 27th, 2005 05:32 am (UTC)
Yay, back alley! No one can resist the gay love and cilantro, there is no use in even trying.
i'm on the ceiling.faith_girl222 on September 27th, 2005 08:48 am (UTC)
That was desperately, wonderfully hot. Great character voices, too. Awesome job.
My hat is deep and full of magicangelgazing on September 27th, 2005 09:28 am (UTC)
I love this, and by extention you, quite a lot. Steven realy isn't picky, eh? ::grins:: It's fantastic.
millysdaughtermillysdaughter on September 27th, 2005 01:04 pm (UTC)
smonsterbite: bale eyessmonsterbite on September 27th, 2005 01:55 pm (UTC)
I was hoping last night's ep would inspire someone, and sure enough it did!

Very hot.

“If you, or Teddy’s friend, or anyone comes near me with a needle,” Jack gasped, “I will personally julienne your balls.”

And very funny.

It's funnier in Enochian: Slash - icon by mona1347_base by vivmuffmona1347 on September 27th, 2005 03:07 pm (UTC)
This. *points* This is exactly what slash should/can be. SO awesome, I don't even watch this show and here I am commenting.
r1cepudding on September 27th, 2005 04:17 pm (UTC)
Oh, see, and it's HOT and FUNNY and HOT and HOT and it's posted with an elijah icon, which just makes everything better. Wheee!

I love. I wanted to read, but then I hadn't seen the second episode, but then I didn't really *want* to watch it but more than that, I wanted to read this, so I did watch it and I'm so glad because omg love and then I could read this and OMG LOVE and in short, you rock.

a velour panda: ats lilah/wescosmic on September 27th, 2005 05:11 pm (UTC)
God yes. So hot, so good.
Badgirl: YAY by Nepenutautobadgirl on September 27th, 2005 08:30 pm (UTC)
YAY! Chef!Porn! I have been waiting and waiting for the slash to flow from such a fabulously gay show. Thank you. And even though it's early going yet, I think you've got the characters down brilliantly.

YAY! Huzzah! and Go, you.
.hackthis on September 27th, 2005 09:26 pm (UTC)
I totally thought I'd given you FB on this. Huh. Well, I did in my head. And to Lyra. And I pimped you too, what more could you ask for, really?
Cassandra: day jobgeekturnedvamp on September 27th, 2005 09:34 pm (UTC)
The really amusing thing is that I don't see the subject lines for posts on my friendslist, so when I clicked on this I thought it was Master & Commander and was just like, I wonder why she spelled 'Stephen' wrong? Not that I care because this was hot. (And I really need to watch this show right now, just so I can decide if I appreciate the hotness of this story more with or without visual references).
d*: partnersdirty_diana on September 28th, 2005 02:40 am (UTC)
alleysex! Mmmn lovely.
Eleanor Lavish: get a flashlight and a bottle of olive oeleanor_lavish on September 28th, 2005 03:22 am (UTC)
I like to imagine this was pretty much EVERY NIGHT for, like, YEARS. Oh my-- hot and funny and very, very good. KC is my new fandom of obviousness, and if every ep inspires you like this, the KC fandom will be a very happy place indeed...

Nice to meet you!
the color is rainbow: yuppie kthnx.fivil on September 28th, 2005 01:12 pm (UTC)
I adore how they just keep talking. It seems so in-character, in a way. Keep the banter going.

Also, HOT. Phwoarrr.
kiki_miserychickiki_miserychic on September 28th, 2005 02:03 pm (UTC)
Much love. Yay, KC fic. Love the way they never shut up.
Dira Sudisdsudis on September 28th, 2005 05:11 pm (UTC)
OMG YES. Hot, and Jack/Steven YAY and talky like they are and funny like they are and YAY THIS IS AN ACTUAL FANDOM NOW! THERE'S NIFRA PORN!
madame_d on September 29th, 2005 03:42 am (UTC)
Mmmmmmmmm, I love getting a new fandom and, by extension, all this new fic to play with. Hot and desperate and funny and the julienne comment was very in style and in character. *squee*

tabaquitabaqui on October 4th, 2005 09:05 pm (UTC)
Ooh, very fun! Very fun indeed!
*followed a rec from crazydiamondsue*

That villainous abominable misleader of youth: meldrick is upside downmosca on January 8th, 2006 06:09 am (UTC)
This is so evil and sexy, and the dialogue is just perfect. I would have more to say, but I'm pretty incoherent from the guh right now, so... yeah. This is fabulous.
jamjarjamjar on June 9th, 2006 07:46 pm (UTC)
Oh, gorgeous. The feel of it, the characterisation, they way they feed off each other, Steven's lack of patience and Jack's lack of restraint, the sheer porny goodness of it all.
and here in spain i am a spaniardpark_hye_in on January 25th, 2007 08:08 am (UTC)
Don't know how I missed this the first time 'round, but: HOTNESS. Thanks for that.