We love Amy because her hair is great and her voice is adorable. Plus, she loves Lex, and this is something we have in common. Pete and Clark are in the locker room without shirts on. This is good because Clark doesn't have a shirt on, but bad because Pete doesn't have a shirt on. Put your shirt on, Pete, you're not a sex object. Poletergeisty things occur in the boys locker room, but no one pulls off Clark's towel. They should. I want them to. Lex macks on Victoria by the pool table, proving that pool does, in fact turn him on. Amy interrupts, and this is another reason to like Amy, especially when she spills hot tea on Victoria. Victoria goes to take a bath, which is an action she repeats every hour on the hour. She must be trying to get the skank off, but that is impossible because she is the skanky BitchHo. Amy's brother looks out for Amy when people make fun of her because he loves her in a Luthoresque way. His hair falls in his face. I want him to wear a headband. Lana and Whitney have a tiff about the blood drive and Clark's parents make him tell Lana he's afraid of needles. Clark is embarrased and feels like a wuss. He and Lana almost kiss but don't because Clark is gay and Nell's a protective parent. Go Nell, go. Lex looses his Napolean Mommy!Watch and is sad. Clark brings him flowers and they pretend they're for Victoria. Then he helps Lex look for the watch and poltergeisty things happen. Clark walks in on Victoria trying to open up Lex's private files on the computer and is afraid she'll see naughty pictures of him. This makes him blush, and look very cute. Let's note here the fact that Clark is allowed to go into any room in the castle at any time and he also knows where all of them are. Having noted that, let's now note that when the weird poltergeisty things happen upstairs Lex and Clark hold hands and are very close while BitchHo wanders around in the background. The poltergeist wants Victoria to go away. I think the poltergeist is a manifestation of the viewer's desires. Victoria and Lex make out in the library, and Lionel walks in. Lex is a bitch. We like it when Lex is a bitch. Victoria goes to take a bath again. This seems to be her response to everything. Amy catches Victoria eavesdropping and tells her that she isn't good enough for Lex. This makes me like Amy even more than before. The poltergeisty thing tries to kill Victoria in the bath. Clark saves her, but resentfully. He puts her down on the floor on top of broken glass and doesn't give her mouth to mouth because he hates her.The poltergeisty thing is actually an invisible person who knocks his punk ass down and leaves weird cold cream all over the place. Clark brings some to Chloe and she figures out that everyone is naked when they take their clothes off and that if someone was naked and covered in cold cream then they'd be invisible. Also, they'd be pretty gross. Amy tries to make Clark jealous about Lex and Victoria and it works really easily. He goes to the castle and they figure out that Amy took the Mommy!Watch because Clark likes to randomly X-Ray people. We think this will cause cancer later on, and are v. concerned. Lex and Clark go and find Amy's Lex shrine and Lex is shocked by how small it is. His shrine to Clark is much better. It's blue, and big. He mocks her shrine with his monkey pants. Sekritly, and then he makes her go away with her family. Victoria is also gone and Lex and Clark plan to have hot monkey sex all over the castle but this plan is foild by Amy's Brother who attacks Lex invisibly in the freaky room of death. Clark saves him but he's unconscious and Amy's brother then attacks Clark because Clark and Lex are gay together and he is jealous of everyone, apparently. Paint falls on top of him and he isn't invisble anymore. Clark makes him go away and then he and Lex have some of that hot monkey sex, but not a lot, because Lex goes to Metropolis to go get Victoria and Clark goes back to his barn. Lana thinks that Clark is going to kiss her, but Clark tells her that Whitney's dad is sick instead because he is, in fact, gay. Lana and Whitney make up, Lex and Victoria probably take a bath, and Clark sits alone in his loft. It's sad.
You should understand that old people are nefarious and devious and can't be trusted especially if they play the piano and are very up front about the fact that they consider people their victims. Also, there is no body of water in Smallville that does not have meteor rocks in it. The pond by the nursing home must be filled with mutant koi and this upsets me. What would a mutant koi do if it ran amock? Let's pray we don't have to find out. Clark follows Lana to the nursing home like a puppy and Pete tags along and they meet Cassandra who likes to tell people the future but pretends not to. Pete locked his keys in the car and someone very close to Clark is going to die. Clark is freaked out by this. A lot. He yells at his parents about farm safety and Jon and Martha find this very cute. Then he yells at Lex about his driving and Lex finds *that* very cute. Clark is very upset that no one takes him seriously and looks lost. His lip quivers a little, and Lex does unspeakable things involving his mouth and a bottle of Ty Nant. The boys look at one another longingly but I think they should just take their clothes off already. An old guy falls into the pond with the mutant koi and is no longer old, but young and bent on serial murder. There's a gratuitous close up on the breasts of a waitress named Zoe. Old young man kills someoen else with piano wire, but we know he really wants to kill Zoe. Lana is upset because she lost the old man. She says, and I quote, "No one else lost a whole old person." This makes me wonder about partial lost old people. Has that happened? Clark continues to secretely flip out about the impending death of someone close to him but says nothing to Chloe, Pete, or Lana. Clearly they're expendable. Cassandra tells Clark that everyone he loves will die, and Clark sees it. It's all very upsetting, but the rain is nice when it makes Clark's shirt stick to his chest. Mmm, mmm, that's good. Lex and Clark flirt by a broken down Porsche and Lex asks Clark to tell him more about the crash. Clark blows him off and then blows him off camera. Lex goes to see Cassandra and asks to know more about Clark. I think he wants to know if Clark really likes him. Cassandra asks if they're really friends. What she means is "Are you two fucking?" but she's too proper to say that. That's why I'm here. Old young guy tries to kill Zoe and Clark stops him. The police arrest him and he goes old again and they return him to the nursing home. Clark doesn't buy this sudden "I'm old" thing because he is, once again, v. smart in a secret way. He turns into a bad ass and sits on a chair backwards and says that he's watching Old young guy. The nurse makes him leave and Clark's a good boy so he does. Cassandra says that Clark's job is going to be to help people forever and ever. Clark wants to know how. He's a good boy. Old young man tries to kill Martha, but Martha is BAD ASS and beats him down until they get stuck in the silo together. Then Martha pulls the chain and kills him but gets stuck herself. Clark saves her, and Martha admits that she would never leave the boys unsupervised. Jonathan looks like he's about to cry, and Martha is still neck deep in corn or grain or something else. No one died, and Martha thinks that means that Cassandra is v. wrong. But wait, there's more. Lex goes to talk to Cassandra and brings flowers because he wants to know his future. I think he wants to know if he and Clark will live happily ever after. That question is not answered but there are sunflowers that die and rain that looks like blood but Lex still has a very good tailor so it's all okay, even if vaguely freaky. Cassandra dies and the prophecy comes true. Clark thinks that's what Cassandra saw, but I think it's a bit presumptuous for her to assume that she's very close to Clark. Or maybe she meant physical proximity wise. Hmm, whatever. After the episode is over Lex is freaking out and Clark goes over to unfreak him. Or rather, to fuck him. But it's okay, even if it is off screen.
Ryan is a little boy who looks like my little brother except that my brother isn't telepathic. He's very cute and he can read minds. He runs away from his step-dad and the new wife because they shoot an old man for no apparent reason. Martha hits him with her car and takes him to the hospital. He goes home with the Kent family and can't read Clark's mind and therefore finds Clark very peaceful. He can make pancakes, which is neat, and reads comic books, which I can relate to. He's just generally adorable and Clark calls him 'buddy' which is equally cute. He makes Clark even more huggable than general because Clark immediately goes into Big Brother mode but without the creepy surveillance aspect. Just the huggy, lovey let's play basketball together aspect. Martha likes Ryan and wants to keep him. I think Jonathan shoots her down, but that's just plain mean because Ryan needs a home, damn you! Take him in and love him! Chloe loves him! Chloe calls Clark and Ryan her boys and takes a cute picture. Ryan tells Clark that Chloe wants to go to the prom with him and has picked out a pink dress and Clark is much surprised because he's v. oblivious. Lana likes Ryan fine, but lets him run away without going after him. But that's only after Ryan is rude to Lex because he's jealous of the attention that Lex gets from Clark, and Clark goes off to talk kiss Lex's wounded ego better. Anyway, he comes back and fishes Ryan out of the trash compactor. Ryan associates Clark with his favorite superhero who Zarah knows all about and writes great fic about and you should read about Lex and all of his comic book fun. It's amazing. Go do it. Anyway, back to our regularly scheduled recapping. Chloe keeps hinting that Clark should ask her out to prom and Ryan tells Clark that Lex is moving to Metropolis. Because, earlier Lionel showed up and was all "You're not screwing up. Come to Metropolis." Lex comes to talk to Clark about it and Clark looks like one of the village people with a tool belt on. Clark doesn't immediately fall to his knees and beg Lex to stay, which says something for Clark's self control. Lex tells Clark that he had a little brother once and it is very clear that Lex needs a hug. Clark does not give him one on screen, but I think that must be because he and Lex have sex off screen and then cuddle. Clark figures out that Ryan is telepathic and Ryan figures out that Clark is an alien. Clark flips but then is okay because Ryan starts to cry and says that he understands what it's like to be alone in the world and Clark hugs him because Clark is a good big brother. Lex gives Clark a foil and Clark asks him to stay in a very understated way. He's playing with his phallic shaped gift when Chloe shows up and does more hinting about prom but then Clark figures out that Lex's chauffeur is Ryan's step dad. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Ryan's stepmom-y person threatens that she'll kill the Kents if Ryan doesn't go with her, so he does. Clark saves Lex after he's thrown out of a moving limo, and there is much gay to be had there. Ryan's stepdad kills stepmom-esque lady and Ryan and his stepdad have a chase scene in a bowling alley. Repeat, bowling alley, not strip club as some viewers might thing while watching. It's an easy mistake to make. Clark saves him, but Ryan doesn't stay with the Kents and it's all very sad. Lex doesn't go to Metropolis, instead he threatens Lionel and it's cool. Clark is quite happy that Lex has stayed and does not dance for joy. He's all about the control in this episode. It's amazing.
I can't be flippant about this episode because Clark loves Ryan and Ryan loves Clark and Lex loves Clark and Clark loves Lex and Ryan looks like my baby brother and he DIES and Ames White from Dark Angel is there and he really should be shot repeatedly and did I mention that Ryan DIES? He just DIES! And it's SO SAD and Lex is the best boyfriend ever and someone should really write me fic where Clark cries and Lex comforts him while Ryan's in the hospital becuase DAMMIT I need to see that. tstar78 made me watch this right after Stray when my Ryan love was overflowing and then she cackled and laughed as I wept. Also? William B. Davis is there and he does NOT smoke a Morley and this just adds to my wretchedness. Write me fic and give me hug, dammit.