July 16th, 2003


Odd thoughts and pocket change and BRAINS

There are eleven cents in my pocket. I want to give it to Tim Bayliss.

I want to start by thanking all of you who gave me hugs and condolences -- it really meant more to me than I can adequately express by saying 'thank you.'

The past few days have been...odd. I think typing that up about my Nana made everything a little easier to hold, and I haven't been desperately unhappy. Actually, I've had a few pretty damned good days in a row, and I've been in a fairly good mood. I was feeling guilty about that earlier, but, you know what? I don't want to look back on my life and see that I've been making a spectacle of emotion rather than actually feeling it. So good mood it is, and I know that Nana would agree with me. If only because she didn't have patience for people who are dishonest with themselves -- a character trait I am so *glad* to have picked up from her.

I think about her a lot, and I *am* sad, but...the only two things that have been abnormal about my day to day life recently are a) I haven't really written much in the past few days. (Ask lyra_sena, it's *bizarre* for a Niflet like me to go so long without committing vast amounts of word to paper), and I haven't really slept much. By which I mean to say last night I didn't sleep at all, and the night before that I got four hours.

This may mean that I'm not dealing as well as I think I am. However, I don't think it does. The past few nights when I haven't been sleeping, I've been thinking a lot. Sort of...sifting through a lot of things in my life. And I feel like Nana's given me *yet one more thing* to be grateful for, in that I'm really *looking* at everyone in my life for the first time in a long time. And I'm really paying attention to what's going on with me. And all of these things are *good*.

Today I feel like something...clicked, and for the first time since Saturday, I'm *really* tired right now. So after this post? I'm going to hop into bed and I'm going to sleep for a full six hours, and in the morning, the sun will have come up and hopefully, I'll be in a good mood again, and work will go well, and maybe it'll hurt a little less that I won't see Nana again. I'm ready for that to take a while, though.

Now. Moving on, because, really? I have been in a good mood. I and have been moving on. And my friends decided that part of moving on? Was to go see Pirates of the Caribbean...*again.*

Yeah. I know.

And I feel that having seen it twice gives me every right to do a movie reivew. Of sorts.

Now, I could be coherent right now, and talk about the ins and outs of the plot line and how it bothered me *throughout the entire movie* that there were HUGE GAPING HOLES in the sails of the Black Pearl or the way that the actress who played Elizabeth Swann always looked like she was ready to bite into something...

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