July 2nd, 2005

good/bad - dog was star

And starring Nifra, as Norma Desmond.

Today, for reasons best left unexplored at this or any other juncture, I spent a great deal of my day on the phone with an airline, trying very hard to unfuck a situation that the airline had assiduously clusterfucked.

And let me tell you: once travel plans have been fucked, it is pretty hard to unfuck them. There is no 're-virgin' contract in the world of domestic holiday travel, my friends.

I am not, in the best of situations, a patient person by any means. not even a little bit. Not even at all. I'm pretty sure, though, that the hold music -- it had jazz flute, and was a cover of Rolling Stones song and there may have been birds twittering in the background -- played on a loop for a half hour would be enough to make Gandhi start beating people with his stick. So it's safe to say that by the time I was finally allowed to talk to a real person, I had already begun a slow boil. By slow boil, I mean that I was taping my fingers, pursing my lips and staring a burning hole into the confirmation sheet that I was gripping tightly in my white knuckled fist.

"For God's sake, this is absolutely ridiculous," I barked at the carpet when the hold music had been playing for forty five minutes. The carpet refrained from verbal comment, but I felt that the way it absorbed my spilled coca cola was sympathetic.

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