Dear Virus: I hate you and your assface.

**
1) I've taken care of a boa constrictor with the flu.

This was part of what was, possibly, one of the weirdest summer jobs known to man. I was house sitting for a lot of people around town which then led to pet sitting for several people which led to even *more* pet sitting because the vets liked to reccomend me. At any rate, one family had three big snakes and I noticed that one of them seemed...not well. Fact you might not know: not often do vets treat the big reptiles. Luckily my hometown had a herpetologist around who had, actually, bred these three boas. He taught me how to admnister medication and also how to help the snake blow it's nose and offered me a job. I smiled and said no thanks.

2) I've spent the night at a military airport in Iceland.

It was a long time ago, but it did happen. We were on a flight to Ireland and had to stop due to weather patterns. The blankets were green and scratchy and it was quite cold.

3) I know how to operate a backhoe.

A big dirty lie. I probably could pick a backhoe out of a line up, but honestly, I make no promises.

4) I can sing Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen backwards.

Yeah. I know. Shut up.

5) I have been injured by someone wielding a spork.

Those things are sharper than you'd think. Even in plastic they can break the skin.

**

I was so going to go out and listen to jazz tonight. I was excited. Damned *expletive deleted* sickness. I hate it. I hate everything. *pouts*