Listen up, dude. I've been good to you. Over all, I've been damned good to you. I've defended you. I've hooked you up with Lex repeatedly, I've never treated you like the big dumb animal you can be from time to time. I've never made you princessy, and I *certainly* haven't made you make out with Pete. I've never forced you to lay eggs, or have a self-lubricating penis, or turn into a girl. I've let you be as close to a normal as you are. Which, okay, not that close you big alien freak. You had it good here, you hear me? And I'm not saying you won't have it that good again -- because, hey, there are a lot of talented people out there. But we had magic. Real magic. And now I'm trying to get you back into bed with Lex -- who, by the way, I've been very good to as well and who is likewise conspicuously absent at the moment -- and you are just *so* not cooperating. Don't you *want* me to finish ADS so you can live happily ever after? Don't you *like* happily ever after? Come back to me, you spandex wearing jack ass. I miss you.
Dear Hercules: The Legendary Journeys,
Thank you for being totally ridiculously wonderful. Thank you for having the Viet Cong Rat Demons and the Art Deco Chalice of Doom today. It was appreciated sincerely.
Thank you for dealing with the petulance that is me when I can't write what I want to write. I'll send you a muffin basket. *nods firmly* Maybe a virtual muffin basket, but a muffin basket just the same.
You are screaming at each other in French in the driveway. This is displeasing to me. If you do not stop I will throw water balloons filled with A1 at your heads. Consider this your warning.