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04 May 2004 @ 09:10 pm
Ficspam Trois: due me, baby  
Title: All American Meals
Fandom: due South
Pairing: Fraser/Rayk
Summary: Rayk, Fraser, and the many minions of Bessie the Cow

What Ray wants to eat is a cheeseburger - a big greasy, meaty, rare cheeseburger covered in ketchup and pickles and cheddar cheese. Normally, he wouldn't even bother looking at a menu; he'd just say, "One cheeseburger, rare," and boom, there's his lunch, just like he wants it. Except today - *all day* - he and Fraser are stuck in this weird ass vegetarian convention, listening to all kinds of touchy feely speeches about how Bessie the cow has feelings too and eating her children is like, some kind of human rights violation. Which Ray would be totally behind if Bessie the cow wasn't a damned *cow*.

And why are they there? Because Fraser's a goddamned lightning rod for weird, and Ray's decided to pin this whole thing on him. Before he was partnered with Fraser there's no way in hell he would have ended up working a case like this one. No, only someone working with Fraser would catch a case featuring an assassin who happened to be stupid enough to leave his reading material behind. Or, wait, no, that could happen to anybody - the Fraser-lightning-rod-for-weird thing only comes into play when that reading material is a series of pamphlets about Bessie and her goddamned cow children.

So instead of eating that cheeseburger - the one Ray wants so bad he can almost taste it without actually eating it - he's got to shovel some kind of tofu-soy-shit into his mouth because he and Fraser are here undercover looking for Bessie's animal-friendly-yet-human-killing friend. Ray fucking hates Bessie, and he hates tofu and soy - even more so when he has to eat it instead of just look at it.

"Cows," Ray tells Fraser authoritatively, "do not have feelings beyond 'moo' and 'let me eat this now.'"

"I'd hardly call 'moo' a feeling," Fraser says with that little half-smile he gets when he's in a good mood and Ray's being funny. Ray likes that smile, and so he smiles back and Fraser's eyes get all soft and warm around the corners.

"Yeah, okay, it's a state of being, or a noise, or whatever," he admits, waving his hands around dismissively. "You and me, my friend, are at the top of the food chain and cows aren't and so all our hippy-dippy granola friends out there," Ray gestures in the direction of the rest of the cafeteria, "with all their back-to-nature crap, are totally going the wrong way. You're with me on this, right?"

Fraser's nice little smile gets nicer - like Ray's really managing to tickle his funny bone, and Ray kind of wants to do a little squirming dance of victory, except he's still too worked up about this cow issue, so instead he just kind of raises his eyebrows and impatiently waits for Fraser to stop chewing so he can answer the question.

"Yes, Ray, I'm with you, most assuredly," Fraser tells him, and that's a good thing to hear, and Ray is too close to forty years old to blush, except when Fraser's like this - all soft and happy - it makes him feel like maybe he isn't.

But Fraser's not done yet, he's got his thinking face on - eyebrows all drawn tight and eyes kind of focused on something over Ray's left shoulder - and then he's talking again. "I think the argument, though, is that while perhaps primitive rules would tend to support eating meat, we as higher and more enlightened beings than our ancestors should eschew such brutal practices because," Fraser holds up a pamphlet between his thumb and forefinger and points to the slogan, "animals have feelings, too."

"That's such crap!" Ray says cheerfully, crossing his arms. "Besides, what kind of crazy asshole doesn't want to kill animals because it's wrong and then turns around and makes his money whacking deadbeats for Sonny Two Toes or whoever?"

"Hopefully, the kind we can catch," Fraser says playfully and Ray just loves his voice, and his mouth. Hell, he loves Fraser, he really, really does, and what he wants to do is press Fraser down on that countertop and show him how much, except they're on the job and the countertop is covered with soy and tofu, and a man doesn't get tofu on the guy he loves.

Ray grins, and kicks Fraser's foot under the table. "Hey," he says, and Fraser raises an eyebrow, looks over at him all inquisitively. "Love you," he mouths, and Fraser grins at him. Just grins at him, straight out, and there should be a license on that grin because it's fucking *killer*.

"You want me to buy you a cheeseburger and smuggle it into the next seminar we have to attend," Fraser says, crossing his arms and Ray laughs, because damn, nobody's ever known him this well.
Current Music: Untouchable Face - Ani Difranco
What the hell is up with the mummy?!: cheese! ruins! lives!serialkarma on May 4th, 2004 09:07 pm (UTC)
OMG, I love this. I mean, I knew I'd love any due South you wrote, but dude, you totally nailed both their voices. Spot on. I love it. And Ray getting all mushy and Fraser being playful--I love that. He's not nearly playful enough in fic, and he *so is* on the show. Um. Not that I'd know anything about that...or...anything. right.

also, I have been privy to many a conversation about exactly what Fraser and Ray are discussing and, yeah, that's exactly how they all go. heh. Realism man, I love it.*G*
pure FORESHADOWING: fraser/rayk - thefakeheadlinenifra_idril on May 6th, 2004 01:07 am (UTC)
Uh-huh. You don't know *anything* about the show, or watching it with Lyra while I type my fingers to the bone on various and sundry term papers in the library for hours and hours and hours, you temptress you!

*giggles* I can't even keep up the fake-angry long enough to make it through an entire comment. I had so much fun writing this, and I can't wait to see playful!Fraser, and you know, I think every conversation about vegetarianism in the history of the world has gone something along these lines. *grins*
celli on May 4th, 2004 09:39 pm (UTC)
*grins a lot*
pure FORESHADOWING: big pimpin'nifra_idril on May 6th, 2004 01:05 am (UTC)
*snugs* We likes it when you're a grinning Celli!