You leave the toilet seat up and you don't respect my mother. Your language leaves a great deal to be desired; I mean, couldn't just one sentence be more than a fragment? Please? I feel that asking for a simple declarative sentence simply isn't too much to ask. It's not like I'm begging for subordinate clauses here, or as though I were bugging you about dangling modifiers -- no, I'm just saying FINISH A THOUGHT.
And by the way, I didn't want to tell you this before, back when I thought we had a chance, but you smell funny.
I don't want to be friends, I just want you to move out. I'm giving you until tomorrow, buddy, and then I'm sending all of your things over to Goodwill. So get your friends, Five am and Six am, to help you out, because I'm not lifting another finger for you. Not unless I can help it.
Also? I'm keeping all the stuff from Ikea. You can have Pottery Barn.
...or until tomorrow. (What? Everyone has that one last time after a break up...or that several last times...)