You are cruel and evil. Your utter lack of regard for the human condition, or more particularly my Pavlovian response to the sound of what I had previously been lead to believe could only be someone attempting to communicate with me via IM, is offensive, immoral, and other things that are negative.
I hate you, and your entire family. I wish you a plague of frogs, and only infomercials on your television during prime time. You are the kind of people who do that stupid trick with the dollar bill that causes poor schmucks like myself to chase after fake money until I run into a light post in a manner that to the rest of the world most likely smacks of pre-meditated slap stick, but to me is only filled with pain. Your evil is insidious, and subtle, but don't think I don't see it. Oh, it fills mine heart with a righteous fervor, a desire to right wrongs, and kick you in the head. You are anti-God, and the Lord will smite you down. I crush my soda can threateningly in your general direction.
Yours in Righteous Indignation and Intense Peevishness,